New year, new you! Are you starting 2023 pumped up and determined to follow through with your new year’s resolution(s)? Or do you have a niggling feeling deep down inside that your resolutions may be somewhat unachievable (maybe again)?
Resolutions are great. But at the beginning of every year, we may sometimes feel pressured to create new goals, and end up creating stressful, self-inflicted expectations. And that’s why makchic ditched the resolutions this year and asked our #makchicmumsquad to share their anti-resolutions for 2023 instead.
Here are some of the things our mamas would like to leave behind in 2022, and some tips on how to make this process easier.
We want to say goodbye to:
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Mum guilt
Working mama? Guilty. Stay-at-home mama? Guilty. Fought in front of the kids? Guilty.
Mums all around the world are often ridden with this never-ending feeling. As shared in a previous Mama Secrets session last year, the number of things that can elicit the dreaded mum guilt may range from career decisions and parenting styles, to education choices, to… pretty much everything!
Let’s keep mum guilt in check together. When that guilty feeling creeps up, try reviewing your expectations and identifying the validity of the source of guilt. Are you feeling guilty about going back to work because you felt that your own working parent was never around the house? It doesn’t mean history has to repeat itself. You can still work and be an involved parent. Try journaling to get in tune with yourselves and find out the true source of possible triggers.
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Comparing ourselves
Comparison can be the thief of joy. Admittedly, it’s just human nature; those of us who have little kids know all too well how early the comparison game can begin. We’ve all heard our kids proclaiming that they are the fastest in the class or that they are the ones with the biggest house. Comparison can unfortunately bring out the green eyed monster, bring on feelings of discontent and result in a blow to our self-esteem.
On the flip side, we can strive to avoid superficial comparisons and instead ‘covet’ something of deep worth, such as another person’s generosity or kindness. And instead of bringing you down, use it as a motivation to improve yourself. You can also start a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all that you do have. There will always be someone taller, smarter and ‘better looking’. But they will never be you.
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Putting ourselves last
Mums need to put our oxygen mask on first. In this way, we can be the very best for our little ones, too. But yet, over and over again we lose ourselves in the hustle and bustle of motherhood. We start (or continue) being hard on ourselves, being overly critical and putting ourselves last.
Let’s remember to take care of ourselves this year. To prioritise self -care and our mental health. If time is a hindrance, schedule self-care into your calendar to make sure that time has been carved out for yourself. Pamper yourself at the spa or go for an endorphin-pumping workout. Make time to connect with someone other than your little human beings, and don’t forget those date nights too!
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Unhealthy relationships
From being intimidated by our loved ones, to feeling pressured by others, the people we let into our lives greatly affect our happiness. We can and may have to walk away from certain relationships, but it’s not as straightforward to simply cut ties with others, especially when it comes to our in-laws! What we can (and should) do though, is to draw personal boundaries.
Set boundaries with tact and kindness, but make sure you remain firm. Most importantly, don’t take the bait. We can’t control the behaviours of others, but we can choose to respond in a more positive way. We can choose to not take things personally. We are, after all, ultimately in control of our own emotions and feelings. No one can make us feel a certain way, if we don’t allow them to.
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Having the unrealistic expectation of being the ‘perfect parent’
The Perfect Parent who prepares fresh meals daily for the family, is Head of the Parent-Teacher Association, has a house that Marie Kondo would be proud of, never yells at her kids, and is thriving in her career? She doesn’t exist! These unrealistic expectations and the pressure imposed on women often becomes internalised, leading to feelings of insecurity and worthlessness. And carefully curated social media feeds don’t help either.
Try having a social media audit, and connect to close friends who can support you if you need a reality check. Remember too, that your child’s behaviour is not a barometer of our parenting success. Let’s bid goodbye to the myth of parenting perfection!
Accepting, letting go, and moving on
It’s time to leave behind the things that hold us back, for a year filled with love, ease, acceptance and rest. In the words of author Virginia Woolf, on the topic of resolutions, we should aim: “…to have none. Not to be tied. To be free and kindly with myself. No need to hurry. No need to sparkle, no need to be anybody but oneself.”
We also love what one of our mamas shared with us, as she aims to see the glass as half-full, and to reframe her situation with a different, more positive lens.
Together, let’s uphold our anti-resolutions, let go of things that hold us down, and move forward with positivity, #makchicmumsquad. Bring on 2023!
