Stepping into motherhood is like diving into a whirlwind of emotions you never knew existed, hitting you with an intensity you never imagined. You get to experience the kind of love that can move mountains, firsthand, but also bump into some not-so-pleasant feelings – like that infamous “mum guilt.”
Common sources of mum guilt
Some all-too-familiar reasons that have been cited by our very own makchic readers for their feelings of mum guilt include:
- Being a working or stay-at-home mum;
- Taking time for ourselves;
- Not spending ‘enough’ time with the kids/ being too tired to be their playmate;
- Breastfeeding decisions;
- Overindulging or ignoring our children’s wants;
- Losing our cool; and
- Not being able to provide ‘enough’ financially for our kids.
More often than not, a major cause of excessive mum guilt boils down to an unfounded belief; that we need to be the perfect parent for our children. Although experiencing a certain amount of these emotions might be normal, if you’re feeling like you just can never measure up no matter how hard you try, it’s time to take some action to counter these harmful thoughts.
Managing Mum Guilt
1. Review your expectations
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: there is no such thing as the perfect mother! In this day and age, there’s so much pressure to do it all, have it all, be it all. Often, this stems from the (many) unrealistic expectations faced by women in society today.
Parenting expert and clinical psychologist, Dr. Claire Halsey reiterates that “there is no problem in wanting to be the best parent you can, however, expecting to be perfect in every way is an unreasonable pressure and a recipe for disappointment.” Be kinder to yourselves, mamas – and learn to let go of the myth of parenting perfection.
2. Identify the source
Self-reflect and notice the beliefs that cause you to feel guilt or shame. Is there a deeper reason as to why something might be a trigger point? Is it a rational response? Journaling is a great way to help you get in tune with yourself, your feelings and your reactions. Decide what source matters most, and work to uncover what your true values are as a parent.
3. Trust your instincts
Every parenting journey is different, and every family uniquely special. There is no one size-fits-all method and (unfortunately), no Parenting 101 manual. Who knows your child better, but you? So, if your next door neighbour inadvertently makes you second-guess your parenting methods, don’t immediately assume you are guilty of going down the ‘wrong track’. It’s always good to stay open to different perspectives and feedback, but not to the point where you consistently go against your heart.
4. Take time for your needs
You’ve heard this countless times before…You. Need. To. Self-Care! We know it can be hard to shake off those lingering feelings of guilt for taking time for yourself amidst #mumlife – but trust us when we say that your kids will be at their healthiest and happiest when their mamas are.
Find creative ways to sneak in some “me time” or pamper yourselves, and remember to take a break by stepping out of the house to decompress, or for some fresh air. Nature (and some green) always does wonders for the soul!
If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or struggling with good quality sleep, perhaps consider a supplement to fill in the gap. Bloom is a botanical supplement that contains KSM 66 Ashwagandha, which can help to promote better sleep quality while reducing stress and anxiety, making it an excellent addition to your routine. Each sachet is also enriched with Fish Collagen Peptide, Rice Ceramide, Sakura extract, and Aloe Vera extract to boost optimum skin health and overall wellness. Try it for a full 14 days to best experience its effects.
5. Do a social media audit
According to this report, Malaysians spend almost 20 hours a week on social media alone! That’s a whole lot of subtle (or direct) ideas and suggestions to be bombarded with weekly! And we all know how toxic it can get when we get caught up in the comparison game. Regularly review groups you are in, and the people you follow.
Perhaps it’s time to take a social media break from those glossy lives you see on the ‘Gram – especially if their (often unrealistic) standards are causing resentment to breed. Remember: social media often serves to present curated snapshots into people’s lives, and we don’t always see the struggles that fellow parents invariably go though. Instead of comparing lives, start being more intentional about who and what you choose to follow on social media,
5. Know that it’s okay to be real
Lost your temper, or got into an argument with your partner in front of the kids? Stop feeling guilty! It’s okay to be real and make the occasional ‘mistake’- your kids don’t need an unrealistic, picture-perfect front. What they need is to see however, is their parents role-modelling healthy communication and working though conflict, acknowledging errors and extending empathy to one other.
We hope this helps you on your journey, #makchicmumsquad!
This is a sponsored post by Perfect Blend Wellness. Embrace your journey with Bloom supplements through an exclusive 10% discount for makchic readers when you make your purchase at www.perfectblendwellness.com/discount/makchic10 (just enter the discount code ‘makchic10’ at checkout). The offer and free shipping nationwide is valid until 30th April 2024 only! Here’s to a better night’s sleep and to treating yourselves with the self-compassion you deserve (while keeping that dreaded mum guilt in check, mamas!)
This article was first published on 27th July 2022 and has been updated by Hemala Devaraj.
