I have one child and he’s 11. It might be my choice. It might not be. My reproductive plans are personal and shouldn’t matter to others. However, that doesn’t stop people from asking when I’ll have more, if I’ll have more, why don’t I have more.
Rude.
Hurtful.
Insensitive.
Ignorant.
People’s reproductive plans and procreative plans and decisions are none of your business. I will repeat that again – None of Your Business. Don’t be so kepochi lah!
Some people struggle with infertility, are grieving a miscarriage, or are dealing with health issues that you know nothing about. They may also have relationship woes, financial issues, or other reasons you are not privy to. They can also be on the fence about having kids or having more kids. Some people may have decided that it’s not for them to have a child now, or ever.
Sure, for some people those questions may seem harmless. However, I can tell you that from my own experiences, and that of my friends – these questions hit more than a nerve or two. So why are people so insensitive? According to Rachel Ormrod, co-author of Beyond Childlessness, it’s because they think having children is ‘the norm’.
“They don’t think,” she says. “Those with children live in a child-centric world and it seems to be an automatic question. Sometimes, the ‘Do you have children?’ question is phrased as: ‘How many do you have?’ which is even worse.”
Getting pregnant is hardly rocket science. It is our biological urge to have children, so they can have children, who can then have children, so on. It’s called survival of the species. But that doesn’t mean procreating makes you superior, or gives you the right to look down on those who haven’t reproduced.
Also, do not ask someone if they’re trying for another one because that simply means you’re asking them if they’re having sex. Don’t tell someone every child needs a brother or sister, because although I’m pretty sure my kid is living a happy and fulfilling life, congratulations – you’ve succeeded in making me feel bad for not being able to give my son a sibling!
Just have some respect, that’s all. Ask someone what they’re excited about right now. Ask them what the best part of their day was. If a person wants to let you in on something as personal as their plans to have children or not, or the number of children they would like, they will tell you. Now go back to your own reproductive organs, please and thanks. Maybe create some action in your own pants or pelvic area so you can stop being so preoccupied with mine.
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By Nadia Fauzi
Nadia Fauzi is just another Malaysian residing in London. She is a mom to a precocious 11-year old bookworm, and a fashion lover who is crazy about cars, prints, and 50 shades of monochrome. She has had to deal with years of people asking about the status of her uterus and it always drives her nuts.
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