In this article:
- Find out how a COVID lockdown sparked a powerful book to inspire dads to show up with heart.
- Learn why starting one-on-one time with each child early, really pays off.
- Try the author’s three-question trick to connect deeper with your child.
What does it mean to be an intentional father? For Honorary Chairman of Focus on the Family Malaysia, Lee Wee Min, it’s not just a catchy phrase, it’s a personal conviction born out of a global crisis. During a COVID lockdown that left him isolated in Malaysia while his family was in Australia, Lee decided he wasn’t going to let the time go to waste. He started writing.
A Book Born Out of a Pandemic
A former engineer, married with 3 adult children (two daughters and a son) and now a grandparent as well, Lee is the author of Intentional Fathering: 7 Strategies To Be More Intentional In Your Fatherhood Journey.He speaks to makchic this Father’s Day on how dads can thrive in their roles with presence, patience and purpose.
Lee Wee Min with makchic’s Managing Editor, Kimberly and Writer, Hema at Focus on the Family Malaysia’s office in Petaling Jaya.
“The first thing that jumped out at me was the word ‘father’,” he shares. “Because I’ve been interacting with so many families over the years, and I kept seeing how pivotal, but often absent, the role of the father was.”
Dads, It’s Time to Step Up
Let’s face it: many of us were raised with the idea that as long as dad brings home the bacon, he’s done his part. But Lee challenges that assumption head-on.
“We think if we bring home the money and put it on the table, we’ve done our job. But our families need more than that.”
Being intentional, he says, means making conscious choices (especially when life gets busy) to focus on what matters most: your children. “We live under the tyranny of the urgent,” he adds, “and we miss out on spending real, meaningful time with our kids.”
Time: The Currency of Love
In his first book,Parenting: A Roller Coaster Experience, Lee writes, “Children spell love as T-I-M-E.” And that’s not just a nice saying, it’s foundational.
“I took my son away when he was 12 years old for a one-to-one trip to Taman Negara,” he recalls. “Three nights, four days. We talked about values, love, honesty… it was priceless. That time is something I couldn’t buy, unless I was intentional.”
Lee still has one-on-one lunches with his son, who is now 37. The takeaway? Start early. Build that habit of connection before the teenage years make it harder.
Create Memories That Last
Lee sees memory-making as more than family fun, it’s a strategy. Drawing inspiration from Stephen Covey’s “begin with the end in mind”, Lee believes building memories gives children something to hold onto in hard times.
“The greatest time my kids have now is when they laugh about the things we did when they were young,” he says. “Those memories help them navigate life—even the challenges.”
Even tough memories, he adds, can shape resilience. “Bitterness can become betterness.”
Listening: The Father’s Secret Weapon
In an age of digital distraction, Lee offers a sobering reminder: Based on a study done by the University of Philadelphia, only 7% of communication is in the words we say.
“55% is body language, 38% is tone of voice,” he explains. “If I’m looking at my phone while my son is talking to me, I’ve already communicated disinterest.”
To encourage deeper connection, he suggests a “three-question technique”:
Child: “I had a lousy day, Dad.”
Typical Parent: “Just get over it.”
Intentional Parent: “Oh? What happened that made it lousy?”
Followed by: “What did he say that upset you?” and “How did that make you feel?”
It’s a simple way to slow down, be present, and build emotional safety.
What If You Didn’t Have a Great Role Model?
Not every father had a great dad to learn from, but Lee says that’s no excuse to remain passive.
“I think it’s easier for us to overcome, the more we express the hurts, difficulties and struggles that we have learned or adopted. Talk to a counsellor. Join a support group. Find other dads to walk with you.”
He’s seen real change through fatherhood events like Focus on the Family’s father-child bonding camps. “Some of the dads formed their own groups afterward and are still meeting regularly. That’s the power of community.”
Fun Is a Fatherhood Strategy
Fun isn’t just icing on the parenting cake, it’s a secret weapon.
Lee remembers how his own father turned Saturday chores into soap-and-water adventures across the kitchen floor. “I can still picture it,” he says with a smile. “Those moments got me through tough times. So I tell fathers, be the fun dad. Be the memory maker.”
Biologically, there’s even a bonus: “Fun releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. That’s how we’re wired. So use it.”
Modelling Commitment In Marriage and Parenting
Lee is quick to point out that kids learn more from what we do than what we say.
“Values are caught more than taught,” he says. “The way we treat our spouse is a template for how our children will treat theirs one day.”
He shares how his father used to take the family out every weekend so his mother could rest. “He said, ‘Your mum has cooked for five days. Let’s treat her.’ That’s honour. And we’ve passed that on to our children.”
Fatherhood: The Long Game
Ultimately, Lee offers this reminder: You’re not just raising a child, you’re shaping a future.
“Your presence is the greatest gift, not the presents you give. Every word you speak, every moment you share, shapes a legacy in your child’s heart.”
And that legacy? It’s built one intentional moment at a time.
From now until 20th June 2025, enjoy an exclusive 15% for makchic readers, when you make your purchase of Intentional Fathering: 7 Strategies To Be More Intentional In Your Fatherhood Journey by Lee Wee Min. Just enter the discount code ‘MAKCHIC15’ at checkout!Follow Focus on the Family Malaysia on Instagram and Facebook for more updates.
Also, if you’re looking for a meaningful way to connect with your teenage daughter, join Focus on the Family Malaysia for a special Dad & Daughter Date on 12th July 2025 — an evening designed to strengthen your bond through heartfelt conversations and shared moments. More information here.
We would like to wish all the wonderful fathers (and father figures) out there a very Happy Father’s Day. We truly honour and appreciate all you do and all the sacrifices you’ve made in the lives of your families and loved ones!
