No one has been spared. Male or female, young or old- each of us has been subjected to the drastic adjustments thrown at us over these past two years as we navigated unchartered and uncertain waters. Needless to say, the pandemic-induced stress has no doubt taken a toll on the mental health of many families across our nation.
We checked in with our #makchicmumtribe recently, opening up the floor for questions on this topic in our first Ask the Expert session of 2022 to address mental health concerns stemming from the pandemic. Consultant Child Psychologist, Ms Katyana Azman from Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur, lent her valuable thoughts on how families can mentally prepare themselves for the new year, get through parental burnout and start afresh.
Parental Burnout
“How do I recognise the signs of parental burnout, and what can I do to better regulate my emotions without lashing out at my family?”
Parental burnout – much like occupational burnout – happens when chronic stress continues to exist unresolved within a particular area of a person’s life, which in this case centres around that individual’s role in caring for a child. Signs include physical and emotional fatigue, as well as a reduced sense of confidence or inadequacy in their capabilities as a parent – often resulting in an emotional distancing or irritability being directed towards the child and/or partner. In managing this, it is important to schedule breaks and to work in a team with your partner as much as possible. It is not bad parenting to take a couple of moments a day for yourself – even if it’s to have a cup of coffee in the other room for 20 minutes while your child is engaged elsewhere. Having a schedule and ensuring that these reprieves take place whenever possible (not just when you need it!) is an important step in managing burnout.
“How do I talk about parental burnout or anxiety with my partner? He doesn’t seem to understand!”
People often struggle to understand things that they themselves don’t have clarity on or experience with. That need not mean that he doesn’t recognise your struggle – just that his own differing viewpoint makes it difficult for him to appreciate it in the same way. You could try to find parallel situations to use as a reference – such as how he felt during that last crisis at work. Or ask how he would feel if the roles were reversed. This will help him draw a connective line between his own feelings and your experience/situation.
The Mental Health of Our Children
Of course, we just want our kids to be happy and healthy – even in unprecedented times where social distancing, online schooling and masking up are now part of the daily vernacular. Take a deep breath, parents, and remember: children are usually very adaptable, often times more than we give them credit for! There are also many ways we can provide a safe and supportive environment in our current situation to safeguard our kids’ mental health.
“What are the signs of anxiety in toddlers?”
Keep on the lookout for:
1) Any type of avoidance behaviour- where your child goes to great lengths to avoid interaction with what stresses them out;Â
2) Any type of “aches and pains”- such as complaints of headaches or stomaches when having to address a particular situation; and
3) Changes in overall behaviour- such as difficulty with sleep, eating habits, and how they behave with friends.
“Will there be any long term impact on our child who has had so little exposure to the world due to us being at home all the time (worried about Covid, stranger anxiety, acting out)?”
The restrictions brought on by the pandemic will indeed have an impact on child development, but it need not be long-term or permanent. If we take steps to support these difficulties – either with the right tools at home, or with the help of a trained professional – overcoming any delays or challenges is entirely doable.
If your child has stranger anxiety, for example, one of the main things you can do as a parent is to help them overcome that fear by normalising interactions with outsiders. Create opportunities by inviting someone over or organising social activities outside the home. Your child will likely be against it, but if you sit with your child and conduct yourself in a calm and positive manner – comforting your child wherever needed, but remaining seated and engaged with your guest – your child will eventually take the cue from you that the environment is safe.
Don’t expect them to be okay with it in the first meeting, and do not feel tempted to remove them from that environment just because they’re unhappy. Start with short gatherings involving 1-2 familiar individuals, and scale up from there as your child gets more adjusted.
“How do I detect if a child has a learning disability, such as dyslexia or ADHD? What are the signs, and what can I do?”
No two kids present the same symptoms, even with the same diagnosis. If you suspect your child has learning difficulties, work closely with the school and teachers. The first indicator is often when your child is struggling to meet academic milestones which other same age peers are able to do rather easily. Some kids are more functional, so grades might not slip – but there may be some avoidance behaviour, such as avoiding going to school and completing homework or assessments. This could be because they are finding certain parts of learning difficult and they don’t want to deal with it.
For younger kids, watch out for behavioural issues or temper tantrums. This could be because school is difficult and kids are smart enough to recognise that they are not able to do things like their friends which they might find distressing. Always seek guidance from an educational psychologist or a doctor.
Moving Forward
We all wish for the pandemic to be a closed chapter – one that we can store away tightly in a hidden corner somewhere for now, and move on with life, mask-free. But with the battle not being over (just yet, hang in there!), let’s do our best to sail through the new norm together, as calmly as possible.Â
“There’s still so much uncertainty – with Covid-related fears, worries about school closures, the economy. How do I move ahead when I’m still so worried? I keep expecting the worst :(“
The overwhelming anxiety that parents are feeling at this point in time with regards to making plans is completely understandable. As much as it goes against the principles of parenting, the best thing that you can do at this stage is to take everything one day at a time. Do not feel obligated to have all the answers or to know where you’ll be in a few months. Focus on making decisions based on the concrete information you have in front of you, and give yourself permission to change course if necessary once new information is made available. This will give you some sense of control and will help with the constant fear.
It’s been an intense rollercoaster ride for all parents out there, but we remain hopeful for greater change. If you think you or your child might need mental health support, here is our list of support providers and useful resources to help you along the way.Â
Disclaimer: The information provided in this site, or through links to other sites, is not a substitute for medical or professional care, and you should not use the information in place of a visit, consultation or the advice of your doctor or other healthcare provider. makchic is not liable or responsible for any advice, course of treatment, diagnosis or any other information, services or product you obtain through this site.
