Humans have always been narcissistic in nature, and nothing brings that out more than the selfie. Whereas before you would’ve had to get a photographer as well as some resources to then get the negatives physically printed, the age of small cameras and digital photography means that you can take literally thousands of snaps of yourself and gaze on your own splendour to your heart’s content, ruthlessly chipping away at your imperfections with editing tools and filters till you settle upon the perfect image to Instagram.
Not that it needed the publicity, but selfies have been much in the news lately, what with Ellen’s Oscar stunt and its imitators. And just in case the young ones feel left out, there’s also the Baby Selfie, which is an app that creates baby-engaging sounds and images to entice your baby to touch the screen and thus take a selfie.
I feel a bit torn about an app like this. The liberal in me says it’s just a bit of fun, and used in moderation and under parental supervision, why not?
The old-fashioned part of me, however, worries that this is bringing kids another step closer to having their own devices to immerse themselves in at an even younger age. I’d rather they were left to their own devices in a figurative way, relying on their imaginations when reading or playing.
The problem with a smartphone, besides passive engagement, is that it encourages self-consciousness and from such a young age, is a hop, skip and a jump to self-obsession. It’s one thing for a baby to engage with herself in front of a mirror, and quite another for her to get used to flicking through numerous pictures and videos of herself, delighting in those images, and demanding to see them again and again.
And then there’s the problem with the publishing of selfies or any images of your child. The creation of Facebook profiles for newborns is really commonplace these days, and is a cute way for friends and relatives to ‘interact’ with your child, but what about the digital footprint that follows him for the rest of his life, under his name?
Generally I’ve noticed four approaches to social media and kids. One, quite rare, is a blanket zero tolerance to posting anything about your child, with the birth announcement as the barest of minimums. The second is references through updates (“Yet another bout of the flu!”) and shots of the baby’s feet, back and maybe profile, but none of the baby’s face. Third is occasional photos, with the child’s face clearly in view. Fourth is an endless barrage of photos and updates about the minutiae of the little one.
I fall under category three. It brings me pleasure and pride to share his milestones and silliness with family and friends. As for privacy, my view is that when Alex gets to the age when people start doing web searches on him, most of his peers will have similar information out there, and it will mostly be innocuous. Though I suppose if your getting a job depends on the choices your parents made in dressing you when you were a baby, you might be in trouble.
In any case, if you’re a new parent and are wondering how to navigate the waters of your child’s relationship with social media, here are some considerations and tips:
Set Your Boundaries
Decide who gets to see what. On Facebobok, create groups of friends whom you want to share about your child with, and when posting, select that group. Change your tag settings so that only you get to see tagged photos of you (and your child) posted by others. Be aware that every time you post something online, as long as someone can see the photo, they can get a copy of it (and turn it into meme!). It’s not perfect, but my way of dealing with this is that whenever I post something, it has a limited lifespan, let’s say an average of three days. After that, I delete it. I post more on Instagram because my profile is private and I can choose my followers.
Warn People Around You
Nowadays, if someone takes a picture, they’re almost bound to put it online, so perhaps rather than telling people not to post images of your child, you’re better off not letting anyone take pictures at all. This might be quite difficult to enforce and will likely get you labeled as uptight, but hey, it’s your kid and your right. Sometimes, however, it’s unreasonable to expect people to really pay attention to which kids they’re photographing and which they’re not. That’s why the visibility of tagging, then, is relevant.
Exercise Restraint
Don’t spam other people’s feeds with countless photos of your kid. A well-chosen photo is much more appreciated than ten in the same pose. Be judicious about details. Most people are not interested in your child’s bodily functions, or indeed, pictures thereof. My criteria for sharing updates about Alex is “Will this be funny to other people too?” or “Can I learn something useful from comments?” If not, think twice about posting it.
Create Accounts For Your Child
I’ve created Gmail and Facebook accounts for Alex. They’re not active, and I’ve set the settings to as private as possible. If they’re still relevant when he’s of age, I’ll give him the passwords with words of warning. This may be very naive; who knows what sort of technology will be available when he’s a teenager. It’s also a bit kiasu in that I want to make sure those names are available at that time. One idea I’ve seen and have taken to is sending Alex messages now and then, as a keepsake of his childhood.
In this day and age, I think resistance to some kind of online presence of futile, so the better course is to stake that presence with purpose and mindfulness.
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Uma is a Malaysian working mum with a French husband and a toddler named Alex living in their fourth country together.
Image Credit: iVillage