Thirty-seven weeks into my second pregnancy and I still can’t get over how fast this one’s gone by. I’m not feeling the love, what with everyone channelling “you’ve done this before, it’s no big deal”. Even so, the difference with this second pregnancy is that it’s still a world of new experiences, especially with migrating and becoming a stay-at-home mum with a spirited one-year-old in tow.
Symptoms
I didn’t entirely switch to maternity clothes until I was six months along the first time. As I was relocating during my first trimester, I assumed I wouldn’t need these clothes so early and sent them by ship cargo, which meant they would arrive a couple of months later. Big mistake. I expanded fast. All my clothes got snug well before week 9 and I had to reinvest in some new ones (but yay for the excuse to shop!).
Feeling life move inside me was one of my favourite pregnancy perks so I loved recognising those first flutters of movement much earlier this time. On the downside, I developed terrible hip, back and pelvic pains that I didn’t suffer from before. It made walking, rolling in bed and carrying my toddler unbearably painful and while my obgyn sympathised, he assured me that it was normal and would most likely get worse with every subsequent pregnancy. Thankfully, exercises (kegels!!) and mobility techniques helped to ease the pain.
Your Body
I found a deep respect for my body after childbirth, and I’m continuously amazed at how it’s adapting to my second pregnancy like a well-oiled machine. I’ve seen this before among friends and family, where some find it difficult to conceive and cope with multiple miscarriages the first time, but have relatively no trouble subsequently. The blood pressure issues I had carrying Aidan didn’t occur again. It’s like the body knew precisely how to manage this time.
With going back to work, raising a toddler and having a house to keep clean, eating well gets tricky. But nutrition is especially important if your second pregnancy is happening so close to the first since the body hadn’t had time to rebuild its iron, calcium and folic acid stores. I took the recommended multivitamins but got over obsessing about the perfect diet and ate pretty much like I wasn’t pregnant, which was still relatively balanced since I was also cooking for Aidan. I suppose when you’ve had a healthy baby the first time, you come to terms with the fact that you must have done something right and are more confident that you know what you’re doing now.
Coping Physically and Emotionally
It’s difficult to be excited about a second pregnancy when your one-year-old is hitting major milestones like walking and talking. I feel guilty for not keeping a pregnancy diary like I did the first time, and I was troubled that this may be a sign that I might love my second baby less. And while we struggle to get Aidan’s sleeping patterns and eating habits right, the difficulties we face handling his regressions also comes with the fear of managing two. But the starkest difference I’ve noticed in this pregnancy is how relaxed and content I am compared to the first time, because Aidan is in my life and he makes me so happy, which has been great for the pregnancy.
I also got lucky again with the absence of morning sickness, but being constantly tired hit me hard. An active toddler who still wakes up at night combined with the sleep deprivation due to heartburn and aches made me think I’d break down from exhaustion before this was over. I’m now nearing the finish line and I’m still sleep-deprived, achy and tired. But I learned to catch naps when Aidan did, got creative in carrying him with a belly in the way and figured out how to make the most out of sleepless nights.
Leaning on the Village
The African saying that it takes a village to raise a child gives me the confidence that I’m not alone, that the journey is just beginning and there’s still so many more adventures to be had. I learned to accept help readily and not beat myself up over my own unachieved standards of perfection. I know that circumstances change but pregnancy is hard, no matter what. And even though Max and I were just getting adjusted to having a new child, a new home, a new life, we realised that everything is going to change again. Yet looking at Aidan and how he makes us feel, there isn’t a doubt in the world that that sacrifice is worth going through again.
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Khairun is mum to 18-month old Aidan and owner of Recovr Resources Sdn Bhd, a growing social enterprise in the recycling and equal employment industry. She and her husband Max are currently living in Jakarta, and are expecting a daughter in December.
Image credit: I Heart Pears
