Every mother wishes to be able to do everything a mother is expected to do – take care of the home, cook for the family, educate and nurture the children or even bake a scrumptious chocolate cake.
Before I became a mother myself, I used to put that image high up on my motherhood pedestal, wishing that I could be that mother who manages to juggle every single thing on her own.
Unfortunately, the truth is that this would never happen. Not to me, at least, because I’ve learned that there’s no such thing as a “supermom” – the perfect mother who manages to do everything on her own without being beaten up by it.
Take these real-life motherhood cases for example:
- Mother A: She has four young boys and a baby girl. She works full time and is also currently furthering her studies part-time. She cooks for her family every dinnertime and prepares the boys for school the next day. The baby, however, was sent to live with her grandmother until she’s old enough to be less dependent.
- Mother B: She’s a work-at-home mother who has a preschooler and a baby. She cooks three meals a day and manages the household while running an online business. Every day, her preschooler attends a preschool from 8am to 12pm, and every fortnight the family hires a domestic helper to help spring clean the house.
- Mother C: She has a full-time job besides being a mother to a toddler and a baby. She works as a teacher in secondary school, manages the household and cooks for the family too. During the weekdays, the baby is sent to live with a babysitter. She visits the baby every weekday afternoon and takes him home only during the weekend.
All these mothers have different sets of circumstances, but they have one significant thing in common: they all have assistance, one way or another.
There’s nothing wrong or awful with having assistance. As mothers, we all need it especially at that point of time when everything seems to be out of control and we feel like losing our minds. Such assistance doesn’t necessarily come from someone outside the family; I bet that a little help from the husband or relatives would be such a big relief. The important thing is to know when to ask for it.
When my daughter Bella turned one, I remember having to put so much of my attention on her when she transitioned from a baby to a toddler. I could no longer do house chores and cook with ease; she was very active and could easily get into trouble if I didn’t supervise her especially during playtime.
She was trying to be a sweetheart by helping me with cleaning up and laundry, but let’s admit it – a one-year-old usually helps add to the mess instead.
I had to make a plan; my home shouldn’t turn into a shipwreck. That was when I learned to recognise how to prioritise and simplify my chores. I tried to prepare some meals in advance and then freezing it, so that I can save time in the kitchen. I also made a mental note on which house chores needed to be done first and which could be kept for the weekends.
The biggest thing that I learned to do was ask for my husband’s help on specific chores. The thing about men is that they want to help but sometimes they need to know exactly what needs to be done. I made my husband help me with laundry, and occasionally cleaning the bathroom. It worked for both of us, although initially I had to bear with his way of doing things. I guess that’s all part of learning to accept my spouse for who he is.
I also learned to let go and not stress myself out all the time. A dusty floor or a little disorganised room can wait for later when all I needed was a nap to recharge myself. Checking things off my lengthy to-do list used to be a pleasure but I managed to prioritise my child’s and my own needs over it.
To me, the reality of motherhood is being able to manage things and doing it smartly. Many mothers don’t realise that keeping ourselves healthy physically and mentally is also part of our duty, because we have the rest of the family to take care of. We all have different needs for our family, so find a way that works for you.
Trying to be a supermom will always be exhausting, but striving to be a smart mother will definitely pay-off.
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Ayuni is a mum to an effervescent 3-year-old daughter. She’s currently juggling motherhood and a full-time job while trying to be the next domestic goddess. She blogs about life, parenting and her homemaking endeavours at Mommy Confessionals.
Image credit: http://triburbiasuburbia.com
