The best advice I received that helped me achieve a natural birth came from my husband.
“Listen to the positive stories, forget the negative descriptions of pain and anything else that will make you fear the process of giving birth.”
The biggest fear of labour comes from not really knowing how painful it’s going to be. When we let ourselves make pain the only focus, overcoming the fear then becomes harder. I couldn’t brush off my husband’s words easily since he’s been witnessing and on occasion assisting goats on our farm give birth for several years. Evidently, he believed that humans aren’t quite that different from animals so he believed in my capacity to give birth naturally more than I did!
For years, before I became a mother myself, I taught many mothers while they were pregnant, shortly after they delivered and also those with already grown up children. Young and old, they shared their birth stories with me. It was an honour to listen and learn from their real life experiences, revealing to me that every birth is special and unique. Their stories taught me to see that birth unfolds in its own way.
Birth Ends with Love
A beloved book that kept me company during my pregnancy was Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth. Half of the book is dedicated to positive birth stories written by mothers who gave birth naturally. I read and re-read the joyous stories of each mother’s journey and their very happy endings. They shared how they had to endure the challenging, intense and monumental efforts before arriving at the ultimate reward – the indescribable joy of holding their newborn babies in their arms. These stories became my comfort whenever I felt doubtful or unsure. They restored my faith in trusting my body and the time-tested birth process of women from thousands of generations ago.
One mother described it to me, “Labour pain is the only pain that completely disappears when the baby is born. It is temporary and the only pain guaranteed to disappear immediately when its over.” Every mother shared the same conclusion, “When the baby is out, you are so happy and relieved that it is over. Then you are too busy falling in love. Love erases all the memory of pain you had endured.”
“When positive birth stories are shared, special messages are conveyed that describe the courage and power of women as birth givers, the integrity of the birth process, and the sanctity of the family; thus, the beauty and delicacy of the maternal newborn interactions are conveyed. These stories have the potential to change the beliefs of those who become vicarious learners.” – Jane Staton Savage.
Birth Is a Learning Experience
Labour pains are only one aspect of the process. Birth envelops us in a spectrum of emotions beyond just pain. There will be joy, love, struggle and tribulations that make it such a rich learning experience. The more positive stories I heard, the more empowered I became. As I began to see birth as not about the pain, the less I worried about it. Conquering fears, overcoming challenges and surrendering to the power of birth are elements that make the act of giving birth a rite of passage. Underlying the pain, wisdom and life lessons were revealing itself first-hand to me during birth.
Birth Is an Empowerment
The stories these mothers shared with me were all indeed true and I will be always grateful for them. In the thick of labour, I was lost in time. Almost trance-like, time disappeared and my entire being – mind and body – was drawn only to the powerful waves of sensations with growing intensity. My focus was tuned solely to holding my daughter in my arms. When she was born, I drifted to a new dimension. I emerged a newer, stronger woman than I was before. One hand clutching my husband’s and the other wrapped around our newborn daughter, we fell into a new realm of love between the three of us – a tender moment I will forever cherish.
As expectant mothers, we need to hear about about the strength and power of birthing, not just about difficulty and suffering because these perspectives will teach us that in the whirlwind hours of birth, there is a triumphant end awaiting. The untapped strength which every woman is born with is unleashed when she gives birth. All the women who shared their positive stories with me embodied this unshakeable strength. One of them, who had four children all born naturally, even said, “Giving birth is the easiest part of becoming a mother, what comes after is the real challenge and hard work.”
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Amy Tan is a movement therapist and educator who is the director of Zentrum, a movement-based healing center in Kuala Lumpur. She lives a free-range life on a farm and that’s where she’s raising her daughter.
