This is a picture of me breastfeeding one of my twins two days after they were born via an elective caesarean section. One of my concerns of having a caesarean was that the wound would give me trouble breastfeeding. I also read articles about how the production of milk slows down when you don’t have a natural delivery (it hinders the natural production of the love hormone called ‘Oxytocin’).
I wouldn’t say that I faced much difficulty getting the babies to latch on. One baby was more challenging than the other, but I persevered. I’m very proud to say that I managed to feed two babies in their early weeks without a tin of formula stashed in my kitchen.
At first I was feeding every two hours and then it became every three to four hours. I direct latched around 30 minutes per baby (that’s an hour of feeding) and only tandem fed them when it was necessary. But one twin needed me to hand compress, so it was a little hard to focus on both while tandem feeding.
Three weeks later, it became harder and harder to satisfy the babies. It just took too long to feed one and the other would be wailing in the wee hours of the morning. This meant I had to interrupt their feeds and kept switching them till they were full, which took more than an hour. If feeding took two hours, how many hours would that have left me to sleep? And I have to feed these bubs a minimum of eight times a day, so you can do the math. Sleep deprivation is no joke and I could feel postnatal blues creeping in like the Black Venom in Spiderman 3.
During my midwife’s third visit, she told me she wasn’t happy with one of the twins’ weight gain. My worst nightmare happened: it was time to supplement two of the baby’s feeds with formula. I felt like the worst mum in the world.
After crying and consulting my husband and some friends, we decided to wait until the next paediatrician visit to ask for a second opinion. However, two nights later I told my husband we needed formula. After going on Google and asking my friends which brands they were using, I found an organic formula from Australia. As it turns out, the milk comes from cows that graze on unfertilised grass and aren’t injected with bovine hormones. I was sold and got myself a tin.
That night itself I replaced two feeds with formula for the twins. I was shocked at how fast it took for them to be full and I appreciated the sound of silence. It was also then that I realised how much I hated breastfeeding. The only reason I’m doing it is because it’s the healthiest option for my babies, not because it makes me warm and fuzzy inside, not because my babies can gaze into my eyes and form a bond that formula can’t give.
I actually got angry at breastfeeding advocacy groups because they seem to guilt trip you for not breastfeeding your child. Where are the anecdotes of mothers who give their babies a bottle or two during night feeds so that they can rest and produce more milk? Where are the mothers who tell you it’s OK if you don’t exclusively breastfeed, just as long as you do your best?
I attended a breastfeeding talk while I was pregnant but was disappointed to learn that the entire talk was about how bad formula is for your babies – it was equated to feeding your baby poison!
More awareness needs to be made on everyday mums who don’t always have it together. Mums shouldn’t feel ashamed if things don’t go as planned. It’s already so overwhelming to welcome a new life into the world and there’s already so much pressure from parents, in-laws, confinement ladies, husbands, relatives, etc. As women who have already experienced it we should work towards supporting each other rather than tearing mums down.
Note: I’m now exclusively pumping and bottle-feeding my babies five times a day so that I can monitor just how much they’re drinking. I find this method way easier to manage. My advice is to stick to a method that you’re comfortable with because there’s no right or wrong when it comes to feeding your children.
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January Low, recent mother of twins, takes each day as it comes – because no parenting book could have prepared her for this!
