[Contributor Noor Abdul previously wrote My Story: My journey to my own autism diagnosis after my daughter’s diagnosis‘. She continues to share the journey she is on with her daughter]
My daughter’s neurotype means that she will always need a gentle and steady hand through the milestones of her life. At the age of 8, her biggest achievement has been adjusting to primary school. I grieved the end of her Montessori preschool era. She thrived there because they supported her, and gave her the space and time she needed to get through her school routine.
Sadly, all good things have to come to an end.
Leaving the private school setting
At first, we looked at private schools with smaller class sizes, with teachers who are trained to teach neurodivergent children. We toured three different private schools, and none of them suited our daughter. They were either too far away, too rigidly academic, or located in shop lots that didn’t provide proper schooling facilities.
I didn’t feel equipped to homeschool my daughter, and my husband and I wanted her to benefit from the socialisation aspect of school, which was something neither of us could provide at home. After weighing the pros and cons we agreed to try public school first and see how she fared.
Entering a new environment
Because of our daughter’s autism diagnosis and OKU card, we could enrol her in the PPKI (Program Pendidikan Khas Integrasi) programme. This helped us narrow down which government school she would attend. We enrolled our daughter in a nearby dual-language government school that had only one class per grade, and even though there were still 40 students in each class, it was a very small and close-knit school. A regular government school would have been far too large for her, and she would not have been able to cope with a full Malay language curriculum.
A tough start at school
At first, even turning up to school was hard. My husband would drive my daughter to school early and sit with her in the car while she cried. After twenty minutes, he would help to dry her tears and walk her into the school gates. I would take turns with him, and those were amongst the hardest mornings of my life.
We knew that as heartbreaking as it was to see her cry (and as tempting as it was to just let her stay at home), we needed to stay the course. Her teachers knew she needed extra support. They were all very patient with her coming late to class, and being very quiet when she was there.
Making friends – and moving to the mainstream class
After her first two months at school, we realised that the PPKI class was too simple for her. There were neurodivergent kids in her class, but they were mostly boys. Autistic boys behave so differently to autistic girls – so much so, that the PPKI teacher didn’t understand why my daughter was in the PPKI class.
My daughter found the class activities too simple (“We do tracing like in preschool, Mama!”), but she liked being in a class with only 10 other kids, instead of 40. So being in the PPKI class still served a purpose – it was like a stepping stone from the tiny pond of preschool, into the ocean of big school. I was so nervous about it, but after speaking to my daughter, she agreed that it was time for her to move to the mainstream class during her third month of school. She wanted to make new friends with the other girls.
After she was transferred out of the PPKI class to the mainstream class, she was very shy and overwhelmed, so she kept to herself. A friendly little girl – whom I will always be grateful to – reached out to my daughter and became her first and closest friend.
My daughter, today
I am so grateful that going to big school is part of my daughter’s daily routine now. She has adjusted so well to mainstream class, and looks forward to spending time with her friends. Mathematics and Science are her favourite subjects and she doesn’t like reading – so opposite to me! She is developing into her own person, and it’s a marvel watching her slowly gain her confidence, one day at a time.
Strategies for easing the transition
If you’re on a similar journey, these were some of the things that helped in our daughter’s transition, which I hope will help you too:
- If your child loves puppets, you could use puppets to demonstrate the difference between their current cozy preschool and the bigger school ahead. If they like drawing, you can do that instead to explore how they feel.
- Driving to their new school will help them visualise what lies ahead.
- For every day they go to school, they can have a point. They can redeem their points every weekend.
- Daily rewards, like a small after-school treat, helps too. My daughter loves popsicles as it helps to regulate her after a hot and sweaty school day. Watching her favourite cartoons or listening to her podcasts also helps her relax. After she it settled, then I can help her with her homework. Packing her school bag is still too overwhelming for her, so my husband helps her with that.
- Often, therapy can help too. Shortly after my daughter’s autism diagnosis, my mother-in-law generously sponsored monthly play therapy sessions for my daughter. The play therapist helped her work through her big feelings throughout that transition from preschool to big school. I am so grateful for Ju Li of SEED Connections for her assistance, and recommend her wholeheartedly to other parents with neurodivergent kids.
By Noor Abdul
Noor Abdul is an #actuallyautistic advocate and a proud mother to a vibrant autistic daughter and a cheeky allistic daughter. She is passionate about raising awareness around disability and celebrating neurodivergence. Living joyfully with her daughters is her daily act of breaking intergenerational cycles of ableism.
For more on her journey, read her earlier articles: My Story: My journey to my own autism diagnosis after my daughter’s diagnosis and My Story: Navigating friendships as a neurodivergent adult.