As it is in many modern families, planning for children is all about timing. While Max and I initially wanted to give it a two-year gap before adding another member to our family of three, we felt that we could handle another child a bit sooner simply because Aidan, our one-year-old, is so easy-going and an absolute joy to raise. Most of all, we love the idea of him having a friend and we’re convinced he’d benefit the most from having a sibling. Now for the littlest hiccup: how do we tell Aidan?
During Pregnancy
Having the “where babies come from” conversation might be an option with an older child but Aidan was just grasping the concept of his own toes and simply doesn’t have the patience to feel the baby’s kick. My first attempt of an explanation was to pat my bump and say “baby”. When Aidan rubbed my belly and repeated after me, I was delightedly proud of his superior comprehension skills. But when he proceeded to do the same to his and his daddy’s belly, we realised he’s probably too young to understand.
As we went along, we showed Aidan pictures of the actual anatomy of a pregnant woman, as well as photos of me pregnant with him (I’d tell him, “baby Aidan in Mummy’s tummy”). The Sesame Street:Welcome, Baby! book also helped us explain what it would be like to have a newborn in the house, becoming an older sibling and needing to be gentle with his adik. As Aidan helped me unpack his old things (all gender neutral as planned for easy reuse with multiples), I told him that it’s now baby’s turn to wear them. I hope this also teaches him about sharing.
Now as I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy, I’m convinced that Aidan actually understands that there’s a person in my belly. He now only says “baby” to my bump and kisses it every time it’s in the way. But what’s most heartening thing is when he does the exact same thing when he sees a real baby.
Planning the Birth
Some hospitals allow siblings to be present at birth but Max and I have decided that it’ll just be the two of us. Even though Aidan won’t be in the room when his baby sister arrives, we want him to be one of the first family members to meet her.
Getting help during this critical time will be invaluable, especially in making sure that family members are aware of all of Aidan’s schedule and the need to stick to them as close as possible. We’re holding off on potty-training so that Aidan won’t regress when his routines are disrupted with the incoming baby. We had him successfully transitioned into a cot earlier, telling him that big boys get their own beds. Now, he readily climbs into it, leaving the bed free for his new sister to co-sleep safely.
I’m spending these last few weeks of pregnancy enjoying this time I have with Aidan. Things are going to change quickly with a newborn in the house and I’m going to miss the times when it was just Aidan and me. But I’m also looking forward to the many things I couldn’t do with him while I was pregnant, such as running outside, rolling on the grass and jumping on the bed. Nothing teaches you to value time the way a child does.
Bringing Baby Home
As Aidan approaches the dreaded “terrible twos”, he’s already testing his limits. He’s discovered crocodile tears, which he employs when told ‘no’, resisting sleep and playing with his food. I hope this is only a phase and being firm will keep him from acting up when we bring the new baby home.
What I worry the most is that Aidan will feel like he’s being replaced. We’ll play by ear, encourage interaction and let him help wherever he can. We’re more confident in knowing what to expect this time around. We’ve stockpiled toys and activities that we can whip out so Aidan doesn’t feel left out.
I want to put time aside for Aidan after the new baby comes not only because I’ll miss him in the first few postpartum days, but also to reassure him that he’ll always be my boy, the little hero in my life and my baby no matter what.
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Khairun is mum to 18-month old Aidan and owner of Recovr Resources Sdn Bhd, a growing social enterprise in the recycling and equal employment industry. She and her husband Max are currently living in Jakarta, and are expecting a daughter in December.
