It was just another day with the kids.
I was already getting used with taking care of my 3-month-old baby (trust me it is way easier when all he does is nurse, sleep and poop) but it is a different story when it came to his 4-year old big sister.
As I was putting the baby down for his nap, I started to think of what to do next. My to-do list was long, but since I was mastering the art of prioritising I decided that I would use that slot of time to spend with my firstborn. After all, I missed our time together and I know she would appreciate having mummy all to herself.
So, we decided to do some crafting.
My sprightly little girl was eager to start. She watched in awe as I took out the crafting stash from my drawers, first the colourful felt cloths and then the cushy little pompoms and funny googly eye stickers.
We managed to come up with our intended craft creation (it was a lovely wall décor if you must know), but in retrospect, I think that it was like having a session with a mini me!
“Hurry up mummy!” she said impatiently while waiting for me to cut out the felt cloths.
“OK mummy, let me do this”, she pronounced as she asked me for the glue.
“No mummy, you should put it here”, she said as she ignored my instructions on where to glue the flower.
“OK fine”, she said when she was willing to compromise.
It continued that way until we finished. These are the words that drive me up the wall, but the irony is I actually have been using the same words to her on a daily basis!
I always ask her to hurry up – in the shower, during meals, getting into the car, and at the mall. There were too many things to do, I thought, and my poor girl could not even take her time to absorb the things going on around her.
I always instruct her to do things – well there are some things that are only meant to be done a certain way, but perhaps I have done it a tad too overbearingly.
“OK fine” is possibly the phrase that I used more often than I thought. The same goes with “No” and “Can’t”, more words that I fear I may have overused.
Obviously everything backfired on me.
It’s true that a child mirrors her parent’s behaviour. They say parents should behave the way they want their children to, and yes I have learnt my lesson.
Maybe it is time to do things differently now.
Instead of hurrying her up all the time, perhaps I should take my own time to see things from her point of view.
Instead of giving her rigid instructions, why not involve her in the decision and ask for her opinion?
Instead of the No’s and Cant’s, perhaps I can turn it into something more productive and offer alternatives instead.
Yes, maybe that will work.
Parenting is a tricky deal. It is full of dilemmas, trials and errors. Everything that we do is always with the best interest of our child at heart, but in doing so sometimes we forget that we are sending them the wrong message.
Some parents choose to be rigid along the way; some are willing to compromise more. In the end, it’s the results that matter, and both sides are happy.
I don’t have any answer when someone asks me about my parenting philosophy. I guess I’m the practical parent – I’ll do whatever that works for my children and my family.
For now, I am going to give those things a try. I just hope that it won’t backfire me next time. If it does, well, I guess it’s worth the try.
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Ayuni is a mum to an effervescent 4-year-old daughter and a newborn baby. She’s currently juggling motherhood and a full-time job while trying to be the next domestic goddess. She blogs about life, parenting and her homemaking endeavours at Mommy Confessionals.
