In the realm of fatherhood, strength and resilience are qualities that often define the role. Every year, Father’s Day provides an opportunity to honour and celebrate the fathers (and father figures) who have made an impact on our lives.
This year, we share the inspiring life story of a remarkable individual; a warrior who is fighting against the formidable opponent of Stage 4 cancer, while simultaneously conquering the world of Brazilian jiu-jitsu as a black belt champion. Meet Tan Jee Tjun – husband, father, lawyer – and a living testament to courage in the face of adversity.
Stepping into Tjun’s shoes
“I always tell people: you may think I’m inspiring, but to me, I’m just very stubborn,” Tjun begins our conversation with a laugh. “I want to do the things I like to do before my time on this third rock from the sun comes up.”
Time is certainly a pressing issue on Tjun’s mind. In 2018, during his first year of partnership at a leading local law firm, his life took an unexpected twist. His good friend, Dr Jason Leong, noticed a change in Tjun’s routine. Headaches (and painkillers) had become constant companions. As his pain intensified, Tjun sought medical attention and received a diagnosis that no one would ever wish to hear- he had Stage 3 nasopharyngeal cancer (NPC).
Fighting the good fight
Thus began the rounds of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, and intense treatments. The rigorous therapies led to severe side effects and permanent radiation damage, impacting Tjun’s voice and his sense of taste. It was “a cycle of physical and mental torture”, Tjun recalls, with him throwing up ten to fifteen times a day, suffering allergic reactions to medications, and being hospitalised multiple times for malnourishment, a condition that many cancer patients succumb to.
Tjun’s condition improved after rigorous rounds of treatment, but his cancer recurred 8 months later, spreading to his lungs and progressing to Stage 4. With the support of his family and the partners at his legal practice, Tjun took time off work to seek treatment in Taiwan, which helped to resolve the issues in his head and neck.
Till today however, the cancer still remains in his lungs. With chemotherapy and surgery out of the question, Tjun shares, “I’m only now left with radiotherapy, which is doing its job in keeping the cancer intact, but it’s still not resolved. So I’m in limbo and at the same time, living my life [as best I can].”
Experiencing an epiphany
In spite of everything he’s endured, Tjun’s determination to keep on fighting is unwavering. What drives him? Family – and fatherhood. “Once you become a father, you realise that your life no longer belongs to you alone. It’s a gift to someone else,” he shares.
Tjun’s dedication to his family, and his responsibility as a father, became the catalysts for a profound shift in his mindset. He recalls the epiphany he experienced early on in his struggle, of how he “need[s] to live for them, for my family. It’s not easy to reach this mindset, but once you have attained it, it drives you forward, like a turbo engine.”
With his wife, Selene, by his side, and with two young children to look after, Tjun’s family became his reason to fight against the odds. “They say behind every successful man is a supportive, strong woman. I’ll be honest, I couldn’t have done it without her,” he shares gratefully about his wife. Tjun admits that hers has been a difficult journey to endure, with her undergoing her second pregnancy during his cancer battle, while simultaneously discovering that their first-born son is autistic.
His worries over their son’s future admittedly keep him up at night. “I cannot be so selfish to depend entirely on my [second-born] daughter to take care of her brother [when we pass]. I have to find ways,” he shares. As he searches for optimal solutions through mechanisms such as trusts and insurance, this knowledge is added fuel that propels him in his fight.
Adapting and winning
During this often-difficult process, the lessons Tjun has picked up though one of his great loves – Brazilian jiu-jitsu – has continued to keep him alive and provide him with a tangible sense of purpose. For the past 13 years, since the early days of his legal practice, Tjun has dedicated himself to this discipline, having been trained in the art of submission holds, strangleholds, joint locks, and the relentless pursuit of victory over an opponent. He wryly likens cancer to “just one heavy, muscular, sweaty, disgusting dude putting his weight on me. He hasn’t submitted me yet. I will weather this storm, work my way through his grip”.
Despite the physical toll of his condition, Tjun has remained steadfast in his commitment to the sport. By seeking more efficient ways to keep up, discarding energy-intensive moves and focusing on technicality and timing, Tjun has defied all expectations. “Today, I’m the only person I know in the world who has earned my black belt as a Stage 4 cancer patient, while undergoing treatment,” he proudly says.
Merely three months post-chemo in 2018, Tjun returned to competitive jiu-jitsu. Astonishingly, he won, coming in first place with a gold medal during this first competition. The recurrence of his cancer subsequently required an installation of a chemo pod on his chest, due to the damage inflicted on his veins by intense rounds of chemotherapy. Despite this, Tjun took matters into his own hands, ensuring he could still continue to train by personally modifying a protective suit for himself.
In 2022, after a prolonged hiatus from competition due to his protective gear, Tjun finally found a way again back to the competition mats. He contacted organisers in the Southeast Asian region for special permission to compete with his special gear, and finally received the green light. Last November, Tjun returned to the competition stage, participating in the Thailand Open in Phuket, where he reached the finals before coming in second. The following month, he competed in the Singapore Open and emerged victorious with a gold medal in the advanced masters category, against individuals of various advanced skill levels.
A new way to live
“How has your perspective on life changed since your cancer diagnosis?” we ask Tjun. Like most of us, he acknowledges that he began his career motivated primarily by financial gain. Now, he views life differently.
Calling it “sad” that it had to take a life and death scenario for him to realise this new perspective, he shares, “I think the sooner we embrace death and the acceptance that we will die, the more we will start to live.”
With the immense support he has received from friends, family, and colleagues during his most challenging moments, Tjun now recognises that life’s true value lies in the relationships we cultivate. Reflecting on the transient nature of material possessions, he reflects on the fact that the impact we have on others, and the assistance we provide, far surpasses any material wealth.
When you are facing death, you don’t think about all the accomplishments you had in life. The only thing that matters are the relationships you have formed in your life.”
Embracing this new outlook, he has now discovered the profound satisfaction that comes from helping others, without expecting anything in return. Tjun has also learned to let go of his obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and become more generous, willingly offering his expertise and aid to those in need. “The first thing I did [was] stop asking ‘how much can you pay’? I started [genuinely] asking, how can I help you?”
Accept – then keep on fighting
“I tell people I live life one scan at a time,” Tjun shares. “I would love for [my cancer] to get better. If it didn’t get worse, I would count my blessings. And if it did get worse…well, life is such. And every time I go [for scans], I have that mindset. I don’t even feel anxious anymore.”
The possibility of a “slow and painful death” inevitably looms in his mind – but his advice? To learn to accept the fact of our inevitable death first, before telling ourselves, “move on, everything else is a bonus”. Tjun doesn’t stop there, however. Acceptance of our eventuality is one thing, but how we choose to accept it is another.
Do I accept it lying down? No. The moment we are born in this world, we are meant to fight and to survive. Keep on doing that, don’t give up.”
Tjun’s hard-won advice resonates, as does his parting words to us as the interview draws to an end. He references a Chinese saying, describing a ship that “moves left and right due to the current, but when it finally reaches the pier and its destination, it will [naturally] be straight again”. “It’s like que sera sera”, Tjun quips. “Whatever will be, will be”.
And until ‘whatever will be’ comes to pass, he won’t stop fighting the good fight.
Thank you, Tjun, for sharing your journey with us. Happy Father’s Day to our readers – may you keep fighting for all that you hold close to your hearts.
