With regards to my parenting methods, I’ve been asked countless times by nervous first-time mothers, “How do you know what you’re doing is right?” Well, I’m not confident about bagging the Best Mother Award, but I do think I’m not a bad mother either because what I do on a daily basis is out of love, with love and to love.
I’m obsessed with letting my children know about my love. Tough love, strong love, emotional love, physical love – I make sure they feel it. One of the easiest ways is of course to verbalise it. Yes, we do that all the time. Before we part, when we meet after a brief separation, before we sleep, “I love you” is uttered. It’s expressed so often that it serves as a full stop in our daily conversation.
“Good night. I love you.”
“Good bye. Love you.”
“Enjoy yourself. Love you.”
Saying it is easy, but what about showing it? Just like any relationships, it takes effort to make things work. Here are some ways to show love to your children:
Reading Together
“Mama, mama, what if I were a one-eyed monster?”
“Then I would look right into your one eye and say ‘I love you’ and I’d sing to you until your one droopy eyelid finally closed and you fell fast asleep.”
My toddler, Lolly, enjoys reading I Love You, Stinky Face with me. It reassures her of my unconditional love. Our other all-time favourites are Love You Forever, The Runaway Bunny and I Love You All Day Long. These books warm our hearts, and help me a lot in explaining complicating feelings or her doubts about my love.
Looking at Them
I was at the petrol kiosk the other day. As I was filling up the car, I tapped on the window to get Lolly’s, who was strapped in the car seat, attention. She turned to look at me, and we exchanged smiles. We do that a gazillion times a day. When the light is red, I like to look at the rear window to look at her. Without fail, she will smile in return. We lock eyes all the time, and in those eyes, love is spelt and felt.
Therefore, please spare some moments to look at your children no matter how busy you are. When they successfully made a cartwheel or won the kangaroo hop race, make sure your eyes met theirs. They will know how proud you are of them, without any words spoken.
Writing Notes
I put in notes in my son’s school lunch box. Sometimes it’s a joke. Sometimes I draw funny aliens attacking the school. Then, there are friendly reminders about ‘having a good day.’ These notes tell him that I think of him, all the time. Lolly cannot read yet, so I draw her pictures with lots of hearts and put them under her pillow. She beams with happiness when she receives them, knowing that it can only mean one thing, that I love her.
Scold, Reprimand, Chide
Yes, you read that right. I do that whenever necessary. But right after that, I give lots of hugs and reassurance. Let them know you get upset but love them still. Love is very much appreciated after a storm. And it is way stronger when they know they have been forgiven.
“Love is the only label that doesn’t go out of style,” said Carrie Bradshaw of Sex and the City fame. Though she was referring to romantic relationships, I concur that love works wonders in a mother-child relationship too. Just make sure that your love is known.
–
Kiki Quah is a mother of two. ‘Thinking aloud allowed’ is invisibly tattooed on her forehead. Goolypop and Lollypop are her spleen, heart, headache and thus will be mentioned as such sporadically throughout her writing getaways.
