A typical weekend afternoon. As usual, Alex is playing with his cars, concentrating on creating his procession of vehicles on the floor. My husband and I are occupied with our own tasks, when suddenly we hear Alex, in a moment of frustration, exclaim: “MOTHERSUGAR!!!” I glare at my husband, who smiles sheepishly at me.
Toddlers are sponges, and one of the ways in which our toddler absorbs from us, is, of course speech. Since my husband can’t quite curb his instinct to swear, his concession is to replace his favourite four-letter words with child-friendly versions. Though really, anyone listening to Alex knows exactly what he’s saying.
Don’t get me wrong, though, lest you think that all Alex is learning from his dad is choice language. He’s learnt a lot of useful things from my husband. These include:
1. Be silly
When my husband first started making up nonsensical words to make fun of Alex’s babbling, I thought it would reinforce bad speaking habits. In fact, the constant back and forth of made-up words between them, along with Marx brothers falling over-type hilarity has developed Alex’s sense of absurdist humour. It’s a lot of fun to be a part of, and certainly not something that comes to me naturally.
2. Respond when you’re spoken to
My husband’s always complaining about my absent-mindedness and how prone I am to being distracted, so it’s no wonder that when I talk to Alex, I don’t really press him for a response if he’s absorbed in something else. This irks my husband no end, however, so he always demands a response from Alex when he’s being spoken to. A good habit, and one I’m trying to instill in myself!
3. Wash your hands when you get home
This was never something that occurred to me to do, let alone get my kid to do. I usually get home after my husband has picked Alex up from school so I remember the first time I got home earlier and my kid raced past me upon entering the house to wash his hands, I thought “Wow, that’s a good idea.” (Though my husband seems to think that suffices for the rest of the evening, including before eating)
4. Be happy in your own company
I’ve mentioned this before, but while I tend to be more at Alex’s beck and call, my husband’s focused on his own activities and doesn’t jump up every time Alex makes a sound. As a result, Alex knows how to amuse himself in his own worlds (usually involving vehicles).
It’s only fair that since Alex has got so much from my husband, his dad should also return the favour. I therefore propose the following things that my husband can learn from Alex:
1. Check-ins
It’s good that Alex can spend some time playing by himself. But usually after about 30 minutes, he seeks one of us out to poke us, ask us a question, or involve us in his play; generally making us feel loved. My husband could do that more, rather than being wholly absorbed in his computer games. Truth be told, I could learn from that too.
2. Talking about good and bad times
I’m surprised at how much Alex recalls and brings into present conversation. A toy or keyword will trigger a memory he’s had, positive or not, and we talk about it and such, relive the experience and the lesson if there’s one. It’s often a meaningful conversation for me too, even though it’s conducted in toddler-speak. My husband, who’s more forward-looking and not one to dwell on the past, could take a leaf from Alex and indulge in some of this too – a way to reflect on the relevance of those past events on the present.
3. Be enthusiastic
One of the loveliest things about being a parent is how gratifying it feels to be able to wow and bring pleasure to your child, as toddlers are endlessly amazed by things. Alex’s favourite way to express this is “Wa-wa-WOW”, with the last syllable stretching out through the rising and falling pitch. While it’s not necessary for my husband to be similarly vocal, it wouldn’t hurt for him to be more enthusiastic about things. Particularly hard with a droll Frenchman, for whom “Yeah, it was alright,” usually means he was happy, but one can dream!
4. Be tough
When he falls, trips or bumps into things, Alex usually lets out a yelp, moans for about two seconds, if at all, then goes on his merry way. The same is true when he has a cold or cough; he really doesn’t let it bother him or get in the way of whatever he’s interested in unless it’s quite serious. My husband, however, exhibits the typical man cold, letting everybody know around him how ill he’s feeling and therefore not able to do the things he’d normally do. Toddler up, dude!
5. Bear no grudges
This one is for both my husband and I. As adults, we carry so much baggage with us, ruining potentially nice moments. When we were sleep training Alex, I always feared he would wake up in the morning and hate us for leaving him to cry, when, no, it was like it had never happened. The same is true now. We’ll have had a horrible day of tantrums and timeouts, but the next day, he resets from zero, with no hard feelings in the morning as he asks for breakfast. This will undoubtedly change as he gets older, but for now, it’s a wonderful lesson for us to forgive, again and again, the people we love.
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Uma is a Malaysian working mum with a French husband and a toddler named Alex living in their fourth country together.
Image Credit: Flickr user kourtlynlott
