In February 2025, makchic kicked off its first Mama Secrets session of the year, tackling the challenging topic of emotional cheating or infidelity. This session provided a compassionate and empowering space for our community to openly share their personal experiences, offer valuable insights, and extend words of support to those navigating this complex and difficult journey.
The responses hit us hard, reminding us all of the deep pain that comes with romantic betrayals and the resilience needed to weather the storm in relationships. To help us dive deeper, makchic reached out to Dr Cassandra Aasmundsen-Fry, a seasoned clinical psychologist with years of experience helping individuals, couples, and families navigate relationship hurdles, mental health challenges, and life’s big transitions. She’s here to help answer some lingering questions and offer insights into this topic.
1) How can individuals balance friendliness and professionalism in mixed-gender work environments, without crossing personal boundaries or creating discomfort?
When it comes to work environments, the key to balancing friendliness and professionalism lies in boundaries and communication. It helps to think of yourself as having a professional persona and what attitudes and values that would entail.
For example, being approachable, collaborative and respectful. Set the tone of the relationship and appropriate boundaries from the start. This allows you to set boundaries around how you speak with others and act at work and after hours. Keep phone and WhatsApp conversations to work hours and be conscious not to intrude on personal time.
Likewise, communication should avoid sensitive topics- it is safest to stay away from voicing intimate details about relationships. Colleagues in the workplace are not appropriate to discuss relationship problems or intimacy.
2) In cases where a work relationship between the opposite gender starts to feel overly familiar, what are effective strategies for re-establishing clear boundaries without damaging the professional dynamic?
It is never too late to establish or change a boundary. If you feel that a relationship is starting to feel overly familiar, pull back to keeping phone conversations to work hours and sticking to neutral topics. Steer topics about personal issues back to work and make clear that you will respond during work hours.
At times you may have to address the dynamic directly. In this case, saying something along the lines of “I would like to make sure we keep our relationship professional, and stick to talking about work issues”. If your boundary is not respected, speaking to HR or a manager can help.
3) How can a married individual (or those within committed, monogamous relationships) address feelings of physical attraction toward someone else, without compromising the trust and commitment in their relationships?
Being aware of physical attraction towards another person means setting firmer and narrower boundaries around communication and time spent together. If you are working with this person- stick to work related conversation during work hours only. If it is not someone you work with, keep to spending time together in groups or speaking in group chats, but be firm about not over disclosing or spending time together outside of groups.
A good rule of thumb is that any communication and interactions should be something you do not mind your partner knowing about.
4) What boundaries should be established for individuals who have close, platonic friendships with someone of the opposite gender to ensure their relationships with their partners remains a priority and trust is maintained?
Set guidelines with your partner about what level of privacy your relationship needs and what is ok to share and not share. For example, speaking about your arguments in detail or your partner’s history of childhood abuse may be off limits.
Opposite genders can have close and respectful relationships at the same time. Just know that bringing a partner into the mix may cause a need to adjust some boundaries to make everyone comfortable. Being transparent about both relationships and considering your partner’s comfort will allow for trust to be maintained.
5) In a relationship, what healthy boundaries should be set between partners (e.g. regarding privacy and phone message checking) to maintain mutual respect and trust, while addressing potential insecurities or concerns?
Assure your partner that your relationship is your priority and you will engage with others in a way that honors that. A healthy relationship should not need checking of phone messages or social media, as that implies a lack of trust.
Instead focus on ensuring that your actions and communication always keep your partner in mind and avoid crossing lines that would damage trust. A good rule of thumb is to think that if you would have a problem with your partner seeing something on your phone or knowing you were meeting with someone, then it is not a good idea. If you feel the need to meet or talk to someone who may make your partner feel concerned, be open with them and talk through it.
Trust is built through difficult conversations and transparency.
View all the responses we received for the Mama Secrets session here.
Dr Cassandra Aasmundsen-Fry is the founder of Mindwell, a private psychology counselling and therapy group practice based in Kuala Lumpur. She has also written a book titled The Glory In Us All on how intergenerational trauma and buried emotions shape our relationships, self-worth, and purpose. It emphasises the importance of integrating these hidden aspects to create a fulfilling, authentic life.
