From the sweet and soppy “You’ll never know what true love is until you’ve had a child” to the ominous “Sleep? You’re never going to sleep again”, people love to dispense advice about parenthood. But there are a couple of things other parents just don’t tell us. It’s time to end this conspiracy and tell it like it is.
People want to hold your baby: Grandparents, aunties, cousins… nobody can resist a baby. This happens regardless of whether bub is awake or – argh – has just fallen asleep. It also won’t matter whether they have a cold or their vaccinations were last updated in 1989 – everybody wants a piece of your child. This will be achieved at all cost and despite your protests that bub really is tired and needs to sleep, so please stop making faces at them.
Sometimes you have to break a few rules for your sanity: Before you become a parent, it’s easy to have an opinion or judge other mums for breaking ‘rules’ like no co-sleeping or letting baby fall asleep on you – but at 3.26am when you’ve done everything and bub is still screaming, you will find yourself doing anything you can to get your child to sleep – even if it means letting her fall asleep on your boob. It’s okay.
The time warp is real: Wait, how is it 2pm already? The house is still in a mess and nothing has been done. Also, what do you mean this baby is already seven months old? When your days are spent obsessing about feeds and food, sleep and whether or not your child is developing at the right pace, the months fly by – it’s a funny truth that the days are long but the years are short.
Your standards drop… and you’ll be okay with it: Pre-baby, you might have looked at other mums with their hair up in a ponytail, free of jewellery and in slippers, thinking “I’ll never let myself look like that.” And boom – after baby’s born you become that mum and see the merits of her simple style – hair up means baby won’t take handfuls out, no jewellery means baby can’t pull your earlobe off, and slippers mean you can juggle the baby, nappy bag and still leave the house with footwear. Win.
Parenthood is a competition: I’m going to say what everyone thinks but nobody wants to say – parenthood is absofreakinglutely a competition. From whether you had a drug-free labour to whether your child is sleeping through the night, has teeth, can crawl, or has already graduated university at age 13 – it’s game on. They are thinking their child is better than yours. But don’t despair if your child seems to be lagging – every baby grows at their own pace. And those kids will find another way of disappointing their parents later on.
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Faye Song is a city girl finding her feet in regional Victoria, Australia. A former journalist, she works in marketing and communication. These days, she finds her most demanding and fascinating client to be her little boy.
