Prior to having kids, I had no desire to ever be near a kid! Growing up, I was the younger of two siblings, so I never had to take care of a younger charge. I didn’t even know how to converse with a child without awkward pauses!
When I found out I was pregnant with twins, my initial fear of being a mom skyrocketed to epic Armageddon proportions. Already I was panicking over the fact that I knew nothing about raising a child, and suddenly, I was going to have two to raise at the same time? Was it even possible for me?
I’ve been a mother for almost five years now and I can safely answer my question with a resounding yes. Of course, there would be some nuggets of wisdom I would share with my naive self which would have probably made the transition a little easier:
Say goodbye to your sleep
Sure, everyone tells you this, but you just think the baby will grow up and you’ll get your sleep back. You may sleep decently again but it will never be the same. Motherhood awakens an extra sense in you and even as you sleep, you will somehow be aware of any tiny noise/movement, that pre-baby days, would never have bothered you.
Plan your finances
In my case, twins double everything – confinement lady costs, diapers, house helper costs, education savings, and more.
Salespeople will tell you that every baby gear is necessary but not everything is a must-have. Some purchases can be delayed, while others can be borrowed or purchased second-hand.
Worry less
The first thing that popped into my head when I found out I was pregnant with twins was if I’d be able to carry them to term safely. Once they were born, our worries shifted to other things like child care and education.
Yes, motherhood will be a lifetime of worrying, but trust that you’ll find a way through it all. It may mean exercising more than you’ve ever have in your life to prepare your body, and delaying the delivery despite contractions in hopes that their lungs can fully develop, and buying insurance just in case of any complications.
It also means giving up the privacy of your home to have helpers take care of the kids. There will be awful maids, but there will also be maids who absolutely love your children. So don’t worry so much, for it all has a way of working itself out.
Realise that relationships will evolve
With your spouse, family and friends. Everything changes because you’ve changed. The first sleep-deprived years proved challenging for my husband and I, but somehow we managed to overcome it.
Other relationships changed too. Now, with my kids being babysat by their grandparents, I think my relationship with my in-laws and parents have improved.
Take time to appreciate it all
The first whirlwind years pass by so fast. While realistically I know it probably wasn’t possible at that time, I wish I had taken the time to journal periodically just so I could track their milestones better.
Your kids grow up so fast and your memory fades, and it’s hard to imagine there was a time that you were afraid to move into this phase of your life. Embrace it because there’s just so much joy that goes with being a mom. Sure, there will be days that you feel overwhelmed and miserably exhausted. But just one look at your precious ones and you’ll know that you would never want it any other way. And who knows? Maybe you’ll realise that not that kid-averse after all.
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Wei Si was a former kid repellant who was thrown her life’s biggest curve ball when she was blessed with twins. She has since changed her ways and now juggles between being a serious banker at work, and being the twins’ loving mummy, head disciplinarian, chief entertainment officer and kiss-all-the-hurts-better medic at home.
Image Credit: Wei Si.
