When I was a young, angsty teenager, I swore I’d never be like my mom. Yes, I was a horrible, ungrateful kid.
I was annoyed by her nagging, wished she’d let me watch more TV, embarrassed by her curler-in-head hair and I looked down on her for being a poorly paid school teacher.
I told myself I’d grow up to be the coolest mom on earth. No nagging. TV 24/7. Perfectly blow-dried hair at all times and a prestigious corporate job.
Somewhere along the way though, I guess I grew out of that angsty phase and started appreciating my mom more. But it wasn’t until I became a mother myself did I realise the depth of what she had done for us, her children.
Fifteen years down the road, I am a mother of one, nowhere near my teenage definition of ‘cool’. In fact, I have turned into the exact same person I swore I’d never be: my mom.
I nag. Because as I teach my son, I find myself repeating instructions all the time. “Throw your clothes in the laundry basket. Eat your vegetables. Do not touch the switch!!”
I limit his screen time. It’s so much easier to just turn on the TV or iPad the entire day. That way I don’t have to worry about crayon stained walls and a messy toy room. But I limit it because I don’t want him being addicted to it.
I stick a curler in my hair and go about my daily household chores. Because really with 1001 things to do around the house and a toddler who wants to play ball with you, who has time for a proper blow dry?
I quit my corporate job to be an educator. My husband and I agreed long before we got married that we wanted to be hands-on parents to watch our children grow. So I took a pay-cut and a job with flexible hours. Sure, I have had to be more frugal, but this job has not only given me more time with my kid, it has also taught me how to better educate my own child.
As I slowly transformed into my mom, I finally understand why she is the way she is.
Mom nags because she cares.
Mom disciplines because it’s for my own good.
Mom multitasks because she has so much to do.
Mom sacrificed her career because her children became her priority.
Ultimately though, turning into my mom has brought me a lot closer to her. Because I now understand how it feels to be a mother.
How frustrated she must’ve felt every time I left a trail of mess around the house; how disappointed she must’ve felt when I refused to finish her food; how worried she must’ve felt when one of us fell sick; and how heartbroken she must’ve felt when I swore I’d never be like her.
Beyond the pain and the heartache though, I now know how much love she has for her children. As I smile at my baby wriggling in his cot, I now know she once smiled at me that way too. As I beam with pride with every milestone my son achieves, I now know she once felt the same pride towards me.
Fifteen years down the road, I’m glad that I am turning into my mother. And I hope to learn to be more like her. To teach my son the lessons she taught me. To give my son what she gave me: strength, confidence, respect. And most importantly, unconditional love.
Thank you mom for giving my siblings and me your all. You are truly an inspiration to me to be a better daughter, wife and mother. I love you mom.
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Wei Yenn was a PR Consultant before trading it for a career in education. A mother to a music-loving toddler, her most influential teacher is her son.
Image Credit: Yenn.
