My Story: How My Child’s Rejection into Preschool is Making Me Consider Unschooling My Children

My son is quite the social butterfly. He has a knack for charming the socks off strangers and friends alike. But his social life took a hit when we relocated so we decided to let him socialise with other kids his own age at preschool.

After much research and discovering what a jungle early education is, we narrowed it down to two potentials: an international kindergarten that taught art, music and drama with three outdoor playgrounds around the corner where we live; and an independent green Montessori which promotes environmental and Islamic teachings a 45-minute drive away.

Our first choice was the closer school but after a short visit and a rundown on their tuition fees, we left without asking to attend a trial class. The cost for our child to play here for a couple of hours a few times a week went over our initial budget three times over.

The Montessori was further and more affordable, but registration had closed for their coming semester. We wrangled for a trial class, which we were happy to pay for as long as our son could be considered into their only available playgroup for kids between 3-6 years. The group would be a little older than Aidan was but I liked that their puzzles taught the children parts of flowers and their outdoor play included gardening. The vice principal reluctantly scheduled us in and shortly started trial class with my son taking himself on a tour and after cheerfully waving me goodbye when I told him I was going.

An hour later, I returned to the school and was surprised to be greeted by a very grim-looking vice principal. I nail-bitingly waited in her office while she collected the assessment materials, seated herself at her desk opposite me and took a deep breath. She began with the good stuff, “Your son is very confident and didn’t cry when you left, which is unusual for a child his age. He’s curious and friendly.”

Then I braced myself for what was coming next, “But he doesn’t know how to respect personal space. He takes things without asking, feels entitled to playthings without understanding the concept of taking turns or sharing. He has a short attention span and takes forcefully when he wants something. Do you let him watch TV?” As she went on and on, I felt smaller and smaller. Unsurprisingly, she told us we couldn’t be accepted into that school that semester, that we should try attending a bridging class first and try enrolling again in a couple of months.

I experienced something new as a parent that day. That when my child was being told he was inadequate, it damn well felt like I was being told I was inadequate. I started vindicating. How could a 2-year old be expected to say – excuse me, can I play with your toys? Or be developmentally capable of understanding the concept of sharing? Wasn’t Montessori’s supposed to be child-centric, sensitive and flexible to his progressive needs?

Then I started talking to other parents which similar-aged children and discovered that they had some real fears when it came to starting their kids off to school: “My son’s nearly three and can’t talk yet”, “I’ve had to try out seven different schools before I found one I was happy with”, “What if they misunderstand his exuberance as being naughty?”.

I thought about what learning meant to me and what I wanted for my little ones and kept coming back to the same thing: a safe space he could socialise and play. I didn’t think the academic stuff was important at his age just yet and there was little for him to learn right now that I couldn’t teach.

And as I extended my thinking to kindergarten and beyond, I realise how much we parents are held hostage to the existing education structure – that we put our children into the hands of a system that don’t know our children, cares little about their interests or what makes them tick but rather more concerned with moulding them into a standard pool of capabilities. Perhaps personalised education is a pipe dream but as I consider my options, none of the existing education models appealed to me.

I began finding others with the same concerns which led me to proponents of unschooling: an educational method and philosophy that rejects compulsory school as a primary means for learning. You’ve seen the video of the 11-year old boy on TEDx that talks about it. And you hear about icons like Richard Branson, Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates who have made their own claim to fame despite never completing formal education. And then there are researches that show how schools kill creativity.

My oldest is only two and both the kids and us parents have a long way to go before making any big decisions on what their classrooms would look like but unschooling and its concepts have become a big priority in my parenting philosophy.

Khairun is a mum to two kids and owner of Recovr Resources Sdn Bhd, a growing social enterprise in the recycling and equal employment industry. She and her family are currently living in Jakarta.

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe to our email newsletter today to receive updates on the latest news, tutorials and special offers!