I don’t know how you did it. How you had not one, but three of us. The love, courage and sacrifice it must have taken to raise three children away from home – without the help of parenting books and mummy websites. I don’t think I’ve ever really understood you before having a baby of my own.
Now that your role has expanded to that of a grandmother, I am seeing a whole new side of your love, not just for my son – but for me. I think the thing that surprises me the most, is seeing you be both a grandmother to my son and a mother your own children at the same time. It’s astounding how you are able to care for T.Rex and worry about us too. (Yes, it seems that even when we are all grown up we can cause insurmountable worry for our parents). Through the challenging season of being a new mum, you were a constant source of clarity and calm. Someone I could be honest with, which was really important for me in the early stages of T. Rex’s life; when everything about him had to be handled a certain way. I know that not many women have mums they can really open their hearts to (especially about a sensitive topic like childcare), and it’s something I have never taken for granted. Your ability to hear me out – despite your experience and my lack thereof – yet still support my decisions and let me try to be a mom, my own way; whether or not you felt the same way about some of my choices. I simply can’t imagine having that much love to share. It’s something I am glad to be able to witness in this short life because it teaches me that love is something that can stretch and spread across generations and someday, leave a legacy…
I want you to know that when he’s older I will tell him how happy you were when his Dad and I told about him when we found out I was pregnant.
I will tell him how even when he was still in my belly, you made fresh fruit and vegetable smoothies and tried to feed me vitamins every day – to ensure he would have all the nutrition he needed to grow well.
I will tell him how you came to doctor’s appointments with me, just to see him on the ultrasound scan.
I will tell him how you baked cupcakes and bought him a Moses basket immediately after his birth.
I will tell him how hard it was for you to hear him cry, even if it was (literally) just for a minute.
I will tell him how much you missed him when you travelled to the U.S., and that you replayed videos of him every single night you were away.
I will tell him how you rushed out to get a mosquito net for his bed as soon as you spotted a few bites on his head.
I will tell him how at bedtime you would tell him not to worry because you’d be right next door.
I will tell him how you loved taking him for walks in the morning and to the supermarket.
I will tell him how you’d always reply, “It was a pleasure,” every time I thanked you for looking after him during the day while I was at work.
I will tell him how you bought him new pajamas whenever he grew even just the tiniest bit taller.
I will tell him how you loved bringing him into the garden to look at the trees you planted.
I will tell him how you laughed at all his little expressions and antics.
I will tell him how badly you wanted to cut his hair (and how I said no!).
I will tell him how you read to him; books you’d read to me when I was a child.
And I will tell him to thank God for you, each and every day of his life. Because I do.
Mum, I will never be able to thank you enough. Not just for raising me, but for helping to raise my son. You are not only his “Nana,” you are the reason our family is filled with peace and runs so smoothly (and on schedule!). The man T. Rex grows up to be, will be largely influenced by your time together and the things you teach him every day. It is when I see you with him, that I realise I too, want to have grandchildren someday. I think that when that happens, I will finally, finally, understand completely, how you did it.
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Michelle Lim-Chua is a banana born in New York City, who fell in love with a boy from Melaka and became a mama of one.
