It is our son’s first Christmas and he will not be getting any presents (from us, anyway). The decision not to give him any gifts is based on wanting to be intentional about how we celebrate not just the holidays, but things like Birthdays too. Marc and Craig Kielburger, authors of The World Needs Your Kid: Raising Children Who Care and Contribute, write that presents have become an exchange for time, “teaching kids that stuff is more important than time spent with family.” They suggest letting the birthday boy or girl pick a family activity, anything from cooking a meal to volunteering together during the holidays.
I am actually a HUGE ‘gifts’ person. It’s been in my nature since I was a little girl. As a result, the holidays have always been my favourite time of year for all the wrong reasons. However, when I became a mum, my husband and I had a long, hard think about how we wanted to give T.Rex an authentic Christmas. One that is Christ-centered of course (being Christian), but also one filled with fruitful experiences with the people closest to us. We also knew it would probably mean changing a lot about our own behaviour and re-evaluating the way we had done things all our Christmases in the past. We started with a thought-provoking but simple question, “What if we could trade wrapped-up toys for quality time with loved ones?”
Our experiential-style Christmas started by politely requesting our friends and family not to buy anything for T.Rex. First we said that he was just a five-month-old baby who didn’t need anything, and then asked that they spend some time with him over the holidays instead. Being only a five-month-old baby, it took a bit of brainstorming to come up with ways we could create opportunities for him to spend quality time with loved ones doing something special. We invited his Godparents to be a part of the experience of feeding him solid food for the first time (we’re planning to start with an Avocado), and his Aunt was offered the joy of taking him swimming for the first time in the ‘big pool’. These experiences were pitched as their “gifts” to him, things T.Rex “wanted”. Everyone was extremely excited to be able to offer their time, and eager to learn more about this new tradition, so we knew we were onto something good.
It was important for us to start this tradition early, to ensure we’ll have real stories to tell T.Rex about what happened at Christmas – instead of struggling to remember who got him what. More importantly, we want him to look forward to the season because it means more quality time with people he doesn’t get to see on a daily basis. And hopefully when he gets older, he can request certain experiences he wants from friends and family such as a game of football, a hiking trip or even the chance to see a musical.
So what will we do when it comes to buying presents for others? We couldn’t possibly expect everyone to feel the same way we do, so we decided to still buy presents for others – but to keep it simple, and leave T. Rex out of the entire shopping process. Modelling the type of behavior you want to see in your own child is always going to be a challenge, but I know the values he will have are largely governed by my own actions. Therefore, must not let T.Rex see me carrying copious amounts of clothes/shoes/makeup at the mall!
Just as any other parent who does social ‘experiments’ on her child would, I worry about how T. Rex will feel about this; once he’s old enough to compare his own Christmas to the way the world celebrates. I therefore have to put my trust in the mere fact that I myself, struggle to find value in the things I’ve been given, and instead treasure the moments I’ve spent strengthening bonds with people I love. I honestly believe that people are the key to making this present-less Christmas a success. People who are willing to trade time shopping for T. Rex – to spend with him instead. It’s the people in T. Rex’s life (and their creativity) that will determine not only his love for Christmas, but why he loves it.
We know this may be counter-culture (which when you think about it, suits Christmas perfectly) and will be hard to execute, but we believe it’s worth our very best efforts – because it means giving T. Rex the chance to end every year to come, doing things he’ll never forget, with people who love him. And now that we’ve gotten presents out of the way, we can get down to WHO Christmas is really about…
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Michelle Lim-Chua is a banana born in New York City, who fell in love with a boy from Melaka and became a mama of one.
