“What would you do differently with your second child, that you didn’t do with your first?”
It was a very thought-provoking question that made me reflect on choices I made in the past year or so as a new mother – and what I would change or do better now that I (kind of) have the chance to with my second child! Of course once you start a list like this it can go on for days, so here are just the top three things I’d do differently – written especially for first-time mothers!
Start with a safer diaper
Many eco-friendly, nontoxic choices I’ve made for my first child – such as choosing cloth diapers – happened well into his first year, as I was just starting to care about my impact on the environment (believe me, before becoming a parent this was the last thing on my mind). But by the time I’d gone through the research about environmental health risks and learned about things like the impact of disposable diapers on global warming, we’d already done some damage. We made the mistake of changing our newborn’s diaper nearly every two hours, worried that his inconsolable crying was because of a dirty diaper. Of course this wasn’t the case (he cried for many reasons), but it sure cost us and the earth quite a bit!
Most babies go through up to 8,000 disposable diapers in the first two to three years of their lives. The fact that a single diaper takes up to 500 years to biodegrade, is a huge problem – but personally the lack of proper research into the potentially harmful effects of chemicals used to improve absorbency in disposables, is a more pressing issue.
One of my greatest challenges is to take my growing family’s “green” lifestyle and health to the next level, so this time we are going to follow the new rule: cloth diaper and water at home, biodegradable wipes and toxin-free diapers when we are out.
Find – and stick to – a good paediatrician
Right after my first son was born, we were assigned to a paediatrician from hospital for our follow-up and first shots. Without thinking much about it, we then realised that she wasn’t really right for us. She didn’t seem to have the time to answer our questions, or give our son the care and attention we were hoping for.
So we switched to another paediatrician, and another, and another, before finally finding one who could actually explain to us what the different immunisations we were giving our child actually protected him from and why, discuss his diet (and media habits), and even evaluate his growth charts and early speech development – all in one well-baby visit!
I learned just how important it is to choose a paediatrician you really like – as time consuming as it may be to do while you’re still pregnant – because your concerns about your baby’s health ought to be taken seriously and addressed by your doctor.
Worry less about what other people think
Parents, in-laws, friends and even strangers’ opinions really got to me as a first-time mother. Although I’d made a plan for sleep training, had a feeding schedule and even a parenting philosophy all figured out before the baby was born, I still struggled with feelings of inadequacy the moment I felt someone was judging any of my choices. And although my husband told me to stick to my convictions, it was extremely difficult to at times. Sometimes it was just in my head, but most of the time it was in response to actual (and very vocal) criticism and judgement from others.
This time, I’m going to put aside the naysayers and tell them that although their advice is appreciated, we aren’t doing things that way. End of the story.
Remember that sometimes people give unsolicited advice simply because they don’t know what else to say around a newborn; they want to feel helpful or sound knowledgeable, so let them share but then swing the conversation around to something about their lives – and you’ll effectively remove any unwanted attention about your parenting skills.
Some people tell me having two children is crazy. Others tell me a second baby is a piece of cake. The theories on having more than one child are endless, but I believe that if your basic rules about love, rhythm and health remain the same, everything will be okay.
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My Story: How I Put down My Phone and Became a Present Parent |
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My Story: Why My Husband Comes Before My Baby |
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Michelle Lim-Chua is a banana born in New York City, who fell in love with a boy from Melaka and became a mama of one.
Image Credit: Getty Images.
