Klang boy meets Cali girl. From the first time they met (at a buffet line, during a church potluck in California), there was an instant connection between Logesh and Rachel. Nine years later, their family has grown to include their two lovely sons (Zaden and Kyren) – and they have since embarked on an exciting journey as popular content creators, known fondly as the “Kumaar Family”.
Having started their YouTube channel in 2020, in the midst of the pandemic, the Kumaars showcase down-to-earth glimpses of their life as an interracial family. They navigate everything, from the humorous differences between the East and the West, to the general (and relatable) chaos of living with two young toddlers. And with over 616,000 subscribers on YouTube and 154,000 followers on Instagram, their content certainly seems to be striking a chord with viewers across the globe.
In an exclusive interview with makchic (and to kickoff our series this Merdeka month on interracial relationships), Logesh and Rachel share their perspectives on culture, community and their parenting journey thus far:
Hi Logesh and Rachel! Thanks for joining us!
People often say that interracial marriages bring out the best in both worlds. What, in your view, is the best thing about Malaysia, and what is the best thing about America?
To me (Rachel), Malaysia is all about food. I’m spoiled for choice, and it has opened up my tastebuds to explore more cuisines. I’m also grateful for the people of Malaysia, because they are one of the kindest and most accommodating people – especially my family in Malaysia. As for me (Logesh), America is the land of opportunity. And that has taught me to believe in myself, to be brave and try new things that I didn’t think would be possible. It’s where dreams come true.
There must have been some “culture shock” moments throughout the course of your relationship. Could you share a personal anecdote or story that reflects the differences between your two cultures, and how you’ve managed to work through this?
The very first thing I (Logesh) encountered was when I asked Rachel out on our very first date. When I arrived in front of her house to pick her up, I didn’t know if I should text her or if should I walk up to the door. We’ve seen it in Hollywood movies [and I thought] that’s what American people do – but I’m used to how we do it in Malaysia where we text the person ‘I’m here’ and they’ll come out. So I did both.
On Rachel’s end, at first, she was annoyed that she got a text from me to come out, but then she saw me at the door too, and it got her confused! So throughout our relationship, it’s always about learning new differences about each other and how we compromise them. From not using shoes in the house, to different terms like football vs soccer, every day is a new learning experience for us.
In your experience, what are some misconceptions or stereotypes that people may have about interracial relationships?
The most common thing that people (strangers, or our audience) would judge about Logesh is that he’s in this for the green card. One time, we were on our way to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and we got pulled over by the traffic police they asked me (Rachel) if I was in danger in the company of this man (Logesh). Besides that, people usually think that there are non-stop conflicts because of our different upbringing and cultural background, but there is a lot more common ground than people expect.
Did you experience any negative responses from family and friends (or from strangers), and if so, how did you manage to overcome this?
Both sides of our families (Logesh’s & Rachel’s) are very open-minded people and are accepting of people from different cultures. So we didn’t have to go through any concerns from people that we love about us dating. Our families were more concerned about who we are dating in terms of life values, personality, and character.
What is it like raising your kids in America, amidst conversations about racial injustice and tensions surrounding the Stop Asian Hate movement? How are you helping your children embrace their racial identities, and how do you handle tough conversations surrounding race?
Tough conversations with kids are a bit tricky – it’s on a case-by-case basis. But ultimately, if you approach it with love and empathy, we think it helps shape their minds to nurture them to who they will become. At the same time, we try not to make it a point where our way is the right way because as kids, they can be right too, sometimes.
Being a kid can be tough, they have emotions too and it’s usually us adults not recognising it. As of now, they’re not exposed to any racial injustice and tensions yet – where we live in San Francisco is pretty diverse, with people from all over the world.
What’s been the best part about raising your children to embrace both sides of their heritage? How are you helping your children maintain important cultural traditions and stay connected to their heritage, as well as to their extended families?
Racial identity is easier for us because we expose them to a lot about Malaysia, we eat at Malaysian restaurants, and we are always in touch with families back in Malaysia. When we go back to Malaysia, they get to absorb the Malaysian culture first-hand from meeting families, friends, and new people we meet along the way.
[Our kids] live life like the typical average American child, but they come home to bilingual conversations and eat a variety of food. When they grow up, wherever they go throughout the world, they’ll always have two countries that they can call home.
Asian vs Western parenting seems to be a never-ending debate! Do you personally feel that there are differences between the two, and if so, how are you navigating these differences?
Definitely! Every day is a new discovery for us – even our kids get confused about whether to call it a lift or an elevator, a dosa or a tosai. We usually discuss it between us first, on which approach we’d like to go with. For us, there’s no right or wrong, no culture better than the other. It depends on what we’re comfortable with. Sometimes, we even open up the option for our boys to decide if they have a preference, and they love having the opportunity to make decisions.
What specific challenges have you faced along the way as an interracial family? Could you share some tips or words of advice for other families on a similar path?
Overall, there’s nothing negative about it. We think that because we’re way into the modern world now, people are more exposed to interracial relationships and families. The only funny encounter I (Rachel) can recall is when someone had thought I was a nanny to my boys, when I brought them out for a walk. So, the only advice we’d like to share is to be open and accepting of one another, navigate differences together, and always have conversations about it. Be comfortable together first, set up a good foundation internally – and you’ll be stronger to face any external challenges.
By Kimberly Lee
All photos from the personal collection of The Kumaar Family.
