My Story: 7 Parenting Lessons I Learnt from My Father

My toddler is approaching the “terrific-twos”, and he has been hitting milestones like there’s no tomorrow. As he absorbs the world around him like a sponge, I find myself looking back at time spent with my father for parenting inspirations.

Quality time

Dad didn’t always have as much time as mom with us because he was always busy with work. But that didn’t stop him from being a part of our lives growing up. When he got home after work, he was always present and involved with us; even today, when he gets home from work, his attention is solely on his grandson. I see how this positively affects their relationship as he’s my son’s favourite person despite spending the least time with him.

As a working mother, initially I’d get so distracted whenever my phone buzzed which would eat into my time with my son. I have had to change this habit and keep my phone aside so I can fully focus on my son and spend quality time with him.

Feel and smell the world

Dad encourages us to touch everything, get our arms deep in mud, and just feel the world around us. He’d let us pick up leaves from the ground, he’d pluck saga seeds for us to touch. On road trips, he’d stop by the roadside to let us collect rubber seeds from the rubber plantation. Looking back, I remembered these moments the best.

Children learn faster when they get to see and touch and smell everything. Especially in this day and age of technology, I’d like my son to also touch, feel and smell the world around him beyond the iPad screen.

Encourage curiousity

As kids, we always asked questions. My brother was known for being the kid who wouldn’t stop asking ‘why?’. Instead of shush-ing us my dad always patiently answered all our questions even though it was tedious and exhausting at times. And that was how we learn.

Even today, when my son stops to look at a bug on the floor, my dad stops to look at it too and talk about where it came from, whether it had wings, what it ate, etc.? And I see my son absorbing all this information in wonderment and gibberish-ly explain to me what he had learnt from his grandpa.

Go on adventures

Dad has always been a spontaneous person. He’d take us on car rides with no destination in mind. One time, we ended up in Cameron Highlands on a whim. Unprepared, we explored the place in our T-shirt and shorts. Because of his thirst for adventure, we once ended up having an entire cruise ship to ourselves, where the Captain let us roam around restricted areas only meant for staff as the ship sailed to our destination. Growing up it has taught me to be more flexible and think on my feet when things don’t go as planned, because sometimes the best experiences are the ones that weren’t planned.

Be cool

Along with dad’s spontaneous nature, we rarely see him stressed or angry. Because dad’s so cool on most days, when he did get angry, we knew we had done something really terrible. Most people used to think it was my mom who did the disciplining, but really it was dad who had ultimate power over us. One firm look was all it took for us to stop whatever we were doing.

Similarly, I try to create a safe environment for my toddler to reduce the number of times I have to say no or reprimand him. So when I do say “No, fire is dangerous.” He knows not to test the limit.

Let it go

Growing up – and even with my own son – dad always stood on the sidelines to watch and let us explore. Occasionally when my son was struggling with a particular toy, my dad guided him rather than do it for him. When my son learnt how to climb, dad taught him how to crawl down backwards rather than carry him to safety. Because of that, I have learnt to hover less and to let my son discover things at his own pace. When I took a step back, I was actually surprised at how much I underestimated my own son. So now I always remind myself to teach him how to fish rather than catch the fish for him. 

Do all things with love

I think ultimately the biggest parenting lesson my dad taught me was to do all things with love. I believe children thrive in an environment filled with love, and I hope to give my son just that so he will grow up happy and confident.

–

Wei Yenn was a PR Consultant before trading it for a career in education. A mother to a music-loving toddler, her most influential teacher is her son. 

Image Credit: Yenn.