My almost 11-year-old daughter, Isha, has Down’s Syndrome. I shared Isha’s story and diagnosis publicly for the first time here in 2019. Since then, we have talked about the importance of inclusive education, not just for children with special needs but for everyone, and also why inclusion is needed more than ever today.
Last year, in 2023, my husband and I experienced an important shift in our parenting journey, which dovetailed into World Down’s Syndrome Day (“WDSD”) 2023’s theme of “With Us, Not for Us”. That theme was especially meaningful for us as we have always had a problem with the outdated charity model of disability, where people with disability were treated as objects of charity, deserving of pity and relying on others for support. Or, in Malaysia, as we say, the “kesian” (“oh, pity him or her”) model of disability.
End the Stereotypes, Assume That I Can (So Maybe I Will)
We know we cannot always control the circumstances around Isha and her condition, so we are trying our best to raise Isha to be a strong, resilient, and independent individual who is not only easier to support, but also able to support herself and even others where she can. We are very excited about this year’s WDSD 2024 theme of “End the Stereotypes”, as it supports our parenting approach in a very powerful way.
We especially love the latest “Assume That I Can” (please click and watch the film) international awareness campaign by CoorDown, the Italian National Coordination of Down Syndrome Associations. This film and their larger campaign on Instagram (featuring real individuals with Down’s Syndrome) call for everyone to put an end to prejudicial stereotypes and support each person with Down’s Syndrome in realising their innate potential.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Stereotypes, biases, and low expectations strongly affect every aspect of the lives of people with intellectual disabilities. They represent an invisible but sometimes, insurmountable, wall that limits their rights to realise their ambitions and opportunities at school, in the workplace, in sports, in their communities, and also in friendships and romantic relationships.
I discovered that in psychology, there is a concept called “self-fulfilling prophecy,” whereby a teacher who thinks that a student cannot understand would just act accordingly and therefore would not teach the student. And there you go: the prophecy self-fulfills. But in my opinion, there are no difficult or easy concepts, and there is always a simple way to explain things. If I think of all the things that were not explained and taught to me, well, I really get angry.”
These are the words delivered by Marta Sodano, a 29-year-old Italian woman with Down’s Syndrome, during a previous World Down Syndrome Day Conference at the United Nations, to describe the hurdles she had to overcome in her school experience.
The self-fulfilling prophecy is a sociological and psychological concept first described in 1948 by the US sociologist Robert K. Merton. It illustrates how people’s assumptions and expectations affect events so much that the initial prophecy comes true. These limiting assumptions and expectations are not abstract inconsequential thoughts, but a mental process that can affect a person’s life and social circumstances.
This, and Marta Sodano’s words, have inspired the film “Assume That I Can”. The protagonist, a young woman with Down’s Syndrome, challenges the low expectations others have of her and proposes a reversal of perspective. Initially, people around her assume she cannot drink a cocktail, live alone, be a boxer, study Shakespeare, or achieve other important goals.
Halfway through the film, we see an edgy plot twist, where the protagonist forcefully invites the viewer and society to think outside the box and use the self-fulfilling prophecy positively.
You can learn more about the film’s leading lady, Canadian actress, advocate, and actor, Madison Tevlin, and how the filmmakers adopted strong creative insights from the campaign in every aspect of their production here.
The Power of Words and Thoughts
The film asks for a profound shift in public consciousness by showing us how words and thoughts have so much power in shaping our reality. As the campaign highlights, our negative assumptions about people with Down’s Syndrome (and other differently-abled people) can lead us to treat them in such a way that these assumptions become reality.
So, why not reverse our perspectives? If we have positive assumptions about people with Down’s Syndrome, they can bravely come forward to receive and seize opportunities in their schools, workplaces, relationships, and activities. Our positive assumptions will become reality. “Assume that I can, then maybe I will” – this statement is important even for those of us who do not have Down’s Syndrome.
The message is a good reminder to my husband and me as parents of Isha, and as her first advocates. We are also human, and sometimes, we struggle with our own stereotypes of her and others. As she is still a young and impressionable child, we also need to be very vigilant about the language used around her, so that she does not absorb the negative assumptions of others and make those her reality.
Over the last year, Isha has learned how to search for information online, send messages to my phone from her iPad (to ask me why I am late picking her up!), perform slightly more complex Maths problems, create simple posters on Canva, spell many difficult words (like “philanthropist”), present facts to visitors on the Roman civilisation at a mini exhibition put up by kids in her class, read storybooks to herself to relax, draw cartoon characters by following YouTube videos, and read notes of the violin scores she plays without using fingering notations. If all goes well, she will soon go on her first school expedition to another state. I may be biased, but I think Isha is super cool, as she busts stereotypes simply by being who she is and living up to her mantra – “Isha can do difficult things (and succeed!)” – daily. I am so happy that a cool campaign like this finally highlights how amazing kids like her with Down’s Syndrome are.
As Isha unlocks small but significant achievements, her confidence grows, and her courage to try new and unfamiliar things increases. She is developing a growth mindset. This process of change is extremely rewarding to watch as parents. When the people around her acknowledge her significance, personal efforts, contributions, likes, dislikes, dreams, and desires without putting her in a metaphorical box and support her like any other child, something magical happens.
What Can You Do?
A stereotype is a set idea that people have about what someone or something is like. Stereotypes can be positive, negative, or neutral but are often inaccurate or simply wrong. People are all different. Stereotypes, even seemingly positive ones, are harmful because they stop us from being treated as individuals.
For example, “positive” stereotypes about Asian students, or boys excelling in Math or Science, can lead parents and teachers to overlook a student’s academic struggles, fail to recognise good – but not perfect – achievements, or not offer opportunities to certain individuals.
For a start, you and your family can think of what common stereotypes you know of, and what stereotypes you might have about certain groups of people, particularly those with Down’s Syndrome. You may only be conscious of these now. Discuss why you may have these stereotypes. Then, think about whether the people around you also stereotype any of you.
Consider some of these common scenarios, highlighted by the WDSD materials:
- Azlan’s parents are planning a disco for Azlan’s birthday party. They are going to invite all of the children in Azlan’s class. One classmate, Mei, has Down’s Syndrome. Azlan’s parents think that Mei would not like the loud music. They decide that it is better not to invite Mei to the party. What if they knew…..Mei loves to play music loudly at home and dance around the house with her brother and sister. She wants to be in a band when she grows up.
- Andy, a zookeeper, brings animals into school to teach the children about caring for animals. In the school hall, Andy notices a boy with Down’s Syndrome named Peter. Andy thinks that Peter will not be able to sit still and could upset the animals. Andy asks Peter to sit with his teacher at the back of the hall. What if he knew…..Peter’s family has many pets, and Peter is responsible for feeding them.
- The class is going to do a Science experiment. The teacher asks the children to get into pairs to do some tasks. Sarah and Jennifer want to work together. Jennifer has Down’s Syndrome. The teacher thinks that Jennifer will find the tasks difficult, so she gives Jennifer a colouring sheet to do instead and tells Sarah to join another group. What if she knew…..Jennifer is interested in this activity and would like to have a go.
- At playtime, some of the children decide to play football. Arvind would like to play, too. Arvind has an intellectual disability and needs extra help with learning. The children think that Arvind would not understand the rules of the game, so they don’t let him play football with them. What if they knew…..Arvind plays football with his cousins every weekend, and they also like to watch their favourite team play on television.
Let’s end the stereotypes, #makchicmumsquad. Assume that they can – and maybe they will.
Happy World Down’s Syndrome Day!
#AssumeThatICan #EndTheStereotypes #WorldDownSyndromeDay #WDSD24
