Your first child will always be special. It comes with the newness of parenthood: doing things you’ve never done, going to places you’ve never been, experiencing emotions you’ve never felt. And so, as I neared the end of my second pregnancy, the excitement of my incoming second child gave way to the nostalgia of moments with my first.
Suddenly Aidan, my firstborn, the tiny little thing I held in my arms just over a year ago, isn’t so little anymore. Larger-than-life, he was a game changer from Day 1 and for a long time, my one-and-only. I knew things were going to change quickly and I wanted to cherish the last few weeks where it was just the two of us.
Here are some things to do:
1. Baby Him
Nothing defines being “big” like getting a younger sibling. But don’t forget that even though he’s walking unassisted and talking in full sentences, he’s still a baby and will be for a while still. So despite spending the last few months teaching him to be independent and to do things on his own, treat him (read: yourself) to a little extra TLC in those last weeks and get in as much cuddles as you can before your hands are full with holding, rocking, nursing and burping a littler bub.
2. Travel
Remember what it was like to travel alone, or with your partner? And how everything changed when the baby came along? Now, you’d gladly pay premium for long-haul flights that are more sympathetic to families with kids compared to low-cost carriers; the facilities at backpacker lodges don’t quite cut it anymore when kids are part of the equation and your entire itinerary now revolves around bubs’ nap and meal times. Before three becomes four and it becomes increasingly more complicated (and expensive!), take advantage of the special family-of-three luxuries and book a ticket for that short getaway to remember.
3. Unpack His Old Clothes Together
Enlisting his help while preparing for the baby’s arrival will not only supply you an extra pair of hands, but provides a great opportunity to take a trip down memory lane. Hold up tiny booties against his growing feet and talk to him about growing up. Explain that he used to be this small once upon a time and how he used to be babied and now from the vitamins and calcium and protein in his food and milk, he’s grown big and strong and ready to take care of Mummy, Daddy and Baby.
4. Go Shopping
Now that your older bubs will start seeing a lot of his old things go to someone else, avoid any bad blood by taking him to shop for big-kid things. Let him pick his own bed if you’re passing on his old crib and a toy car in exchange for his old rattles. And since nearly everything baby needs is being passed down, it won’t be too much to get something new for her courtesy of her older brother. The element of choice teaches your older child about ownership and when he gets to present his gift to his new sibling, he’ll know what it feels like to give.
5. Assemble a Big Kid Play Area
Find a corner in the house that can be his personal space to keep him occupied when you have your hands full with baby. Fill it with his books within his reach so he can get in some quiet time to flip through the pages to look at pictures, build a fort to encourage imagination and play and collect art supplies and let him draw or paint on paper or the walls — chalk boards or glass for the sensible and your actual walls for the liberal! Get a toy chest and teach him that it’s now doubly important to put away his toys especially the ones that may be a choking hazard for the baby.
6. Have His Friends Over
If going out is too taxing when you’re heavily pregnant, organise a playdate with some friends with similar-aged kids which would be a treat for your toddler who might be housebound for a while when you’re caring for a newborn and recovering from birth. Bonding with the mummy-hood builds a great support system which would be much needed in the coming months. Welcome any offers to babysit with open arms!
7. Make Something for His New Sibling
Bust out his creative side and spend some time making something for the incoming baby. A hand-drawn card, sock puppets, a play-dough figurine or a song recording are some ideas which are free and would keep you both occupied for hours.
The rule of thumb with kids is always to give time, not toys. The same will apply even after the baby arrives. It helps to be prepared so make it a point to plan projects as simple as planting a tree together or learning how to swim. But you’ll also realise that before long, you’ll get in the groove and enjoy both your kids, in their own unique way without needing to overthink it so much.
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Khairun is mum to two kids and owner of Recovr Resources Sdn Bhd, a growing social enterprise in the recycling and equal employment industry. She and her family are currently living in Jakarta.
