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My Story: Why We Only Want One Child

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Chinese New Year gatherings – the occasion where distant, unheard-of relatives bring truck-loads of people and invade your home. It’s also the time for awkward conversations. In the midst of stuffing their faces with artery-clogging delicacies, the question suddenly pops up: “So when’s the next one coming along?” And then everyone stops everything they were doing for the next 5 seconds in anticipation of your answer.

“Oh, we’re fine with one.” And you squeeze out the most polite smile you could offer, stuff yet another pineapple tart into your mouth to stop yourself from saying something that might embarrass your parents.

“No! Doughnut needs a companion. Imagine how lonely she’ll be when she grows up!” says recently-married cousin Y.

“We can’t be so selfish as parents!” says aunty F (with seven kids).

“Oh uncle and aunty would be so disappointed to hear this!”

“No wonder Doughnut is so spoilt…” whispered Kepong grand aunty to Cheras grand aunty.

And amidst the chaos, a prize-winning reply: “Oh I’d be happy to take all of Doughnut’s dresses and toys if you don’t mind!” Sure. At least it was something different.

A deep breath and another 750 calories later, I decided that it was pointless to start explaining myself. I was outnumbered and they have started another topic on whether it’s better to have a boy or a girl as the eldest child (as if it were up to us). But most of all, I didn’t feel that I needed to explain.

When Doughnut turned one, they said “it’s time to get ready”. The next year, they said “Two years’ age gap is perfect”. And this year, they said that my biological clock is ticking and I shouldn’t procrastinate any longer. Next year, they’ll probably be telling me to consider adoption instead.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against having siblings. I was supposed to be an only child and that my brother was a product of mom’s careless miscalculation, but I had an awesome 10 years ‘alone’ before he popped up and then everyone instantly forgot about me. Despite our age gap, we fought, quarreled and pranked each other just like any other siblings would and, right till today, even though we live a few hours away, I know I can always count on him for anything.

My husband and I agreed long ago that Doughnut will be our only child. She will have us. She will have friends. She will go to school, attend play groups and meet new people. She will learn how to share and how to fight. She will learn to give and take, to love and hate. What others may feel about us depriving her of siblings, we make it up by giving her our undivided attention and dedication. Are we selfish? Most definitely. We are always selfish in our love for our only child. And no one can disagree that we, as her parents, know what’s best for her. And for us as a family.

As I reached for my seventh pineapple tart, aunty F came up to me and whispered, “Wah, you have very good appetite! Are you sure you are not pregnant?” At that very moment, a light bulb lit up on top of my head. I have a new business proposition, specially catered for single child parents like me who have to endure a foreseeable future of explaining and justifying why we are in the “One and Done” club. I’m thinking slogan tees, looped recordings, forehead stickers and the like.

Watch me go!

Lai San is an ex-marketer living in Jakarta but her heart has never left KL. Mother to 3 years old Doughnut, she is close to total cure of her OCD with a toddler to clean up after at home. When not stuck in a jam, she writes freelance as a cover up for her total inability to cook, bake or sew.