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My Story: The Reality of Motherhood Is Far From What I Had Dreamed!

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RealitiesofMotherhood

When I was about to become a mother, I imagined that I would be baby-wearing my cloth-diapered toddler while she munches on healthy organic carrot sticks, taking a stroll in the park, feasting our eyes on different types of bugs and insects as she learns how to name each and every one of them.

Yet three and half years into motherhood, the reality is far from what I had dreamed…!

Dream: Pre-natal yoga and eating healthy.

Reality: My initial idea of giving birth at 33 meant that I’d have to be more prepared than all the other “young chick (chic)” moms. Eating healthy and staying fit, to say the least. But truth was, instead of sweating in pre-natal yoga sessions, I was sweating over a new launch campaign at work. Instead of having healthy and regular meals, I was constantly snacking during meetings and briefings. And those yoga brochures? They’re still sitting pretty… in my cupboard. I’m just glad that Doughnut wasn’t born in the middle of a business review meeting.  

Dream: A natural birth without epidural.

Reality: I had an emergency c-sect. End of story.

Dream: Breastfeeding.

Reality: This is probably the only thing I aced with flying colours. Not so much because of determination or persistence. It was because breastfeeding was an addiction — for the little milk monster I was breastfeeding. We tried formula milk, soymilk, goat milk, UHT, fresh milk and even daddy’s breasts, but she refused and was exclusively breastfed for more than three years.

Dream: Be a stay-at-home mum.

Reality: Oh how could I forget about this? Giving up everything for our kids is only the right thing to do. A career, a decent income, shopping sovereignty (did I just come up with that term??) and the right to pee in peace. From four facials a year and a credit card to “Baby, NO!” said 400 times a day and sagging breasts, I took the plunge and I did it MY WAY.

Dream: Baby-led weaning.

Reality: This was a “no go” right from the very beginning. I see photos of baby with messy faces and plates I end up wiping my screen. Not to mention the fear of her choking on her food. So I’ll spoon-feed her until she’s old enough to feed herself. Totally flunking this.

Dream: Home-cooked meals without any seasoning.

Reality: The plan was for her to start with vegetable purée, then fruit purée – one new food and taste at a time with a space of 4-5 days to detect any early signs of allergy. That was THE PLAN. And it remained a PLAN.

Doughnut had commercial rice cereal as her first food. I was an irresponsible, ill informed and lazy mother, you say. Would I do the same if I had another baby? Probably not. I’d have given her some avocado instead. I count myself very fortunate that she inherited our liking for any kind of food, and especially rice. And I’d like to believe that the rice cereal played a part. Yeah, I’m in total denial too.

Dream: Potty-training.

Reality: Doughnut was close to 3.5 years old when she started proper toilet training. We’ve tried it once when she was around 2 but she wasn’t ready. Maybe I didn’t read up enough on how to prep her. Maybe we didn’t do it right. Maybe I wasn’t persistent enough. A year plus and many potty-training videos later, she (we) aced it. She could tell precisely when she had to go pee. Minimal accidents and definitely no crying or yelling. And Elmo, thank you so much! 

Dream: Home schooling.

Reality: Okay, I’m going to start finding excuses all over: I’m not artistic. I don’t have a Pinterest account. I didn’t join any home schooling groups on Facebook. So no, my girl did not have flash card sessions since she was a baby. We didn’t have homemade home schooling materials because her mommy was lazy. We didn’t have outdoor activities because we lived in an apartment (and I hate going under the scorching hot sun). But we had fun learning in our small little apartment. 

Okay, I could go on and on — no junk food, Parabens-free shampoos, etc. But I think I’ll just stop right here. I’m far from perfection. But I’m perfectly imperfect. And I think Doughnut would agree. And that’s most important.

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Lai San is an ex-marketer living in Jakarta but her heart has never left KL. Mother to 3 years old Doughnut, she is close to a total cure of her OCD with a toddler to clean up after at home. When not stuck in a jam, she writes freelance as a cover up for her total inability to cook, bake or sew.